The botched Wellbeing Budget is infamous for many things, the most apparent being its lack of wellbeing for New Zealanders.
Considering it was titled the well-being budget, it seems ironically bereft of things likely to make us feel better, booting off with yet another fuel tax kick-in-the-guts.
Besides the fact it was leaked, (more holey than the Pope’s cheese grater) and was the laughing stock of Parliament before it was even delivered – the most entertaining blunder was the use of a stock photograph on the cover. It turned out to be a mother and daughter who’d packed up and run away from New Zealand for a better future in Australia. Clearly they could see more wellbeing across the Tasman.
The government couldn’t have found a less appropriate picture if they’d tried.
It’s given researchers at RR Headquarters the inspiration to advise Government on other potential budget document cover scenes.
The Leaky Budget
The Titanic was the grandest ship of its time and set sail amid splendid pomp and ceremony. With its individual watertight compartments, it was unsinkable until the unthinkable. Like budget 2019, many other captains knew of the icebergs in the area and that they could easily cause a leak, except for the captain of the most important ship of all.
The Family First Budget
We won’t get into the whole ‘who dunnit’ debate but we are pretty sure nobody has ever defended the jersey.
Once this jersey appears on the front cover of the Family First Budget, it should disappear from our society forever, like leg warmers and stubbies.
A horde of angry teachers marching down the street does make for a striking photo. Featuring them on the front of our budget will ensure that Australia has to pay their salaries in the future.
Our own children can do their lessons by live streaming those very same teachers directly from Aussie classrooms into large, covered stadiums that would otherwise only be used to play rugby.
The Water Quality Policy
The Huka Falls is one of the most photographed geographical features in New Zealand.
It is also the scene of one of the more unusual misadventures, when cricket umpire Peter Plumley-Walker was unceremoniously disposed of after a session with a dominatrix went awry.
Now, we have dug a little deeper into this and have discovered that this river actually starts off squeaky clean, just above these falls.
Along its length it is subject to numerous local and central Government rules and regulations however it never really retains its original innocence.
Eventually it leaves New Zealand and its murky trail can be seen heading into the Tasman Sea, in the general direction of Australia.
Sanitation Special, Travel Perks Package
You really need to be a sports’ star to enjoy domestic travel in New Zealand.
For those in regional parts of the country, the airport restrooms are probably all we can afford. Actually getting on one of those planes is beyond the wildest dreams of most.
Transport and Shipping Package
Let’s face it, the budget was not the most exciting news for the average person. It left a bit of a sinking feeling.
So, next time, let’s feature the Rena captain on the front cover, and send that ship safely on its way across the Tasman.