As far as I'm aware there is no collective noun for signs, a shame since every roadside berm is now littered with electioneering billboards.
I'm not a fan. Any trip now entails a succession of retouched disingenuous smiles and simplistic market-tested slogans.
Once upon a time you could at least rely upon imaginative graffiti, vandals who if nothing else had a sense of humour. No more. Are falling literacy standards to blame? Driving home this morning I saw Christopher Luxon's beaming face, over which someone had written in huge letters: ‘Liers!' Seriously?
I was also urged to take action several times by the bloke who once represented Tauranga in Parliament. His suggestion? ‘Let's take our country back'.
This left me slightly shaken. Did someone steal the country away while I wasn't looking? Did they sneak it off to Australia while I dozed? Or did someone tow it down to Antarctica to help with global warming? Fortuitously, after a quick check of the GPS, I discovered the country is still here.
So did some cunning foreigner take over during the three years since Mr Peters failed to be elected, without us noticing? If so, damn straight Winnie, let's demand it back. But it's tricky to spot which specific foreign threat it is. I realise British tourists can be somewhat overbearing but it can't just be that. I've spotted a lot more sushi restaurants recently, and the Dutch are a bit rude on occasion – could they be the problem? Has our country been secretly traded for a block of Gouda?
Internal affairs
Maybe not. Perhaps Mr P is hinting at culprits closer to home. Have a bunch of New Zealanders gone and taken New Zealand from, er, another bunch of New Zealanders? That's a worry. Does it only belong to one of those bunches?
Perhaps Winston is suggesting that there are ‘good' New Zealanders – who presumably once ‘had' the country and now want it back – and ‘bad' ones, who apparently took it, even if it's a bit hard to spot exactly what they took and where they put it.
Or, just perhaps, however much you grin on your billboard, using a divisive fear-mongering slogan doesn't really benefit anybody except those seeking to benefit from divisive fear-mongering. I'm reminded of American politician Bob Roberts, who rewrote Woody Guthrie's ‘This land is your land/ this land is my land' as the almost-identical-but-not-quite ‘This land was made for me'.
And with a smooth leap we have segued into music.
First up, a shout-out for volunteers to help at the Arts Festival, which runs from October 19-29. They need keen level-headed folk to help during the day, in the early evening and at performances. Having volunteered at festivals myself, I can affirm it as a fun and worthwhile experience: if you're interested email: info@taurangafestival.co.nz. And let's dip a toe into the extensive programme...
Put the gun down
Top of my list is faux-country legend Wilson Dixon, 'the greatest country singer Cripple Creek has ever produced”. His new show is called ‘Put the Gun Down Jethro' and promises a fresh set of cowboy tales and songs of navigating through the pandemic-denying QAnon-believing alt-right-leaning members of his own family.
Sooner than that, next Friday in fact – on September 15 – sees Andrew London return to the Bay yet again. Andrew has been here over the years in many combos, from Hot Club Sandwich to his eponymous trio and a duo with bass-playing wife Kirsten.
This time it's the Too Many Chiefs quartet, along with Rob Joass of Wellington band Hobnail, Wayne Mason – famous as the writer of ‘Nature' and a damn fine keyboard player – and Charlotte Yates, most known for her Baxter project, a compilation album of James K Baxter's poetry set to music. She has since completed similar projects honouring Hone Tuwhare, Witi Ihimaera and Katherine Mansfield.
They come together as Too Many Chiefs once or twice a year to share songs and stories from the road in a range of styles, from blues and jazz to country and folk. It's a fun show, brought to you by the Katikati Folk Club, at The Arts Junction: members $20; non-members $25; 7.30pm start