As I write this, we are celebrating World Anti-Slavery day. Despite that, my wife is still making me write it. How ironic.

I would have thought that on this special day, I should be allowed to cast off the shackles of creative bondage; and just replace this column with a nice picture or a really big crossword. But no, after eight years of enforced labour to pour out my soul every week, there's no escape.
Even though slavery was abolished in 1926, it is still thriving with up to 800,000 people a year trafficked; and an estimated 27 million slaves worldwide. Or 67m if you count underpaid child labour. You could probably 100-fold that for long-suffering husbands.
The four most common types of slavery are: chattel slavery, debt bondage, forced labour, and sexual slavery. And to think some people pay for it!

Off with a bang
Other highlights of the week included the announcement by Minister for Disarmament and Arms Control, Georgina te Heuheu, that NZ will be among the first to sign the Convention on Cluster Munitions in Norway.
I was stunned.
FIRSTLY: that we have a 'minister of disarmament” considering this country is the most severely neutered military power I've ever known. Matakana Island has more weaponry than the rest of New Zealand put together.
We've been run for too long by a bunch of namby pamby pacifist greenie hippies of dubious sexual orientation who just don't appreciate the fun of having a lot of really big guns. And the new guys don't look much better. What we need is to burn a few million dollars on some really cool shooting things. Maybe George W should come on over and show us how to do it. He's got plenty of time on his hands these days and can probably set us up a really good arms deal.
SECONDLY: New Zealand can find the resources to send someone to Norway to sign a convention against unexploded munitions that kill and injure civilians in post conflict zones around the world; yet we won't ban Guy Fawkes!
What is the difference? The burn is the same.
For those who don't know, a cluster munition comprises a vessel containing multiple bomblets or sub-munitions which are spread over a large area to hit multiple targets. Because many cluster munitions fail to explode initially, they remain a threat for many years after a conflict ends.
(I have a mate who says that describes his ex-wife to a tee.)

Under the Sun
And speaking of mates, I need to thank all my friends (both of you) who have been so supportive over the last few months while we've been establishing the bar and restaurant at No.1 The Strand. Especially those (and you know who you are) who have commented with such passion; such enthusiasm and such genuine sensitivity: 'Are you bastards mad?”
The answer is, of course, yes. But we're having a lot of fun doing it.
Another 'mate” commented that letting Rogers run a bar is like putting the fox in charge of the chicken coop.
I keep saying that it would have been a travesty to have turned the old bonded store into offices, and that we had enough room for the Sun offices in the rest of the premises without having to commit the wonderful downstairs spaces to desks and computer screens.
It's been a real pleasure to see so many people enjoying the ambience of this special heritage building. A special thanks to our musician friends who have rallied to provide live music on Thursday nights and Sunday afternoons. It's going down a treat.
No.1 The Strand has quite a few Christmas parties booked and we are looking forward to helping local companies and groups get into a bit of seasonal cheer. With all the gloomy talk about recession, it's certainly needed.

And speaking of Christmas parties, there was an interesting discussion around the bar this week. My thanks to the diners for your inspired collection…

When Christmas Parties Go Bad
RR is pleased to announce the undefinitive list of Things to Not Do at the work Christmas or New Year's Eve Party. These are real situations that have occurred in The Bay of Plenty over the years. Do not try this at home.

• Couch diving. Do not tell ACC you read it here.
• Lighting a fire in your car then attempting to put it out with vodka.
• A beauty pageant winner tips unwanted wine into a fish bowl. All the fish die.
• Walking out of restrooms with toilet paper stuck to shoe.
• Two girls. Same dress. From same shop. Shameless.
• Your photo is taken wearing a large stuffed insect over your crotch, gets published in a weekly paper; employer issues formal warning about inappropriate behaviour.
• Too many men.
• Too many women.
• A devastating combination of effects of red wine, gravity and white furnishings.
• Secretaries. Need I say more.
• Someone walks in front of your cannon just before the stroke of midnight, causing your millennium blast to be delayed by 20 seconds. And there's not another chance for a thousand years!
• Asking the boss for a pay rise when you've had a few too many.
• Turning up in costume when no one else has.
• Christmas tree burns down.

We'd be keen to hear of your stories of Christmas/New Year party disasters. Email brian@thesun.co.nz or fax 571 1116. The winner receives a special collection of charred pine limbs; marinated fish in a bowl; and a nearly-new couch. (May need re-springing).