Welcome to the RR Christmas Special episode. It's been a bizarre week here at Sun headquarters, and the jury is out whether it's because of the pending Christmas silly season or climate change or the delayed effects of fluoride in the water.

Or it could be the abundance of fruitcakes about; most of them walking in the door at Sun Media and asking weird questions. And that's without even counting Hylton.
Then we've had a deluge of women claiming to be the mysterious Exotic Goddess featured last week. More disturbing, the number of my mates who want me to text them immediately should she show up again. It's a sad world.

Slipper slappers
The week really got off on the wrong foot, with a bout of shoe throwing. I blame the Iraqis for starting all this. Fortunately, we can blame the Iraqis for most things.
It's a case of journalists showing little responsibility and creating hysteria amongst the public. Now everyone thinks they can go tossing their footwear at the nearest former world leader and get away with it.
Even toddlers in the street are kicking their Dora Explorer pink and green jandals into the gutter. Although I suspect toddlers have always kicked their footwear around before Achmed bin Shooless made it trendy.
Actually his name was Muntazer al-Zaidi which roughly translates as 'Loose Hush Puppies” and I can't wait for Crocs to name their next style after him. I like the sound of Bush Bashers.
By the way, there's already a Bush Shoe Throw game on the net, at http://bushbash.flashgressive.de/

This brings memories of that time-honoured Christmas carol:
Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
Size ten boots flew all about
that Muntazer in socks is heavin'

Gerry Brownlee has seen the light and the government has overturned the ban on conventional light bulbs. So Kiwis can now make up their own mind whether to use the more energy efficient types.

We new blokes in Parliament are,
Finding lightbulb laws quite bizarre,
Incandescent or fluorescent,
Glowing like yonder Star.
(Chorus)
O, bulb of wonder, bulb of might,
Bulb with mercury danger alright,
Bradford's misleading, Gerry's not proceeding,
Guide us to the alternative light.

Bizarre but true
Next on the bizarre happenings list was a kayak trip north, which ended at the Coroglen Tavern, one of our favourite après-kayak watering holes.
We'd seen an advert in the local rag for the 'Last stock sale of the year, with Lovely Ladies” and thought, cool, we can hang out with the local yokels and enjoy a bit of live music.
However rocking up to the bar, it quickly became apparent that it wasn't going to be a couple of quiets and a wholesome country meal. Nor was it the locals 'hanging out.” Because the farmers and stock agents were celebrating their Christmas wind-up for the Coroglen saleyards with a livestock show with a difference: A couple of raunchy strippers.
I won't be able to look at a pool table quite the same again.
It reminded me of that shocking degradation of women at the Taupo motor racing and the 'Grid Girls” which we discussed a couple of weeks ago.
Here's my snapshot with Naughty Nurse and Naughty Schoolgirl, you can clearly see my look of disgust and anxiety to get out of there.

Away in a manger, at the Coroglen pub
A navity scene with two girls in the nud.

The stars in the bright sky looked down where they lay
stretched out on the pool table, more moral decay

Then there was a great discussion about which bottle of liquor to give Mother in Law for Christmas. No one could decide, so she's getting the lot. Which reminded me of the lovely traditional carol:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Falalala lala la la
Let's get grandma off her trolley
Falala lalala la la la
I remember it well, from my time in South Auckland while at journalism school, I lived next door to the Falalas and they used to sing it a lot.

Morning television this week had a piece on car-pooling in Clutha and a climate change zealot nutting on about carbon footprints.
Yet two of the three cars lined up were thumping great Holdens! You'd think anyone walking the talk on carbon would at least have a fuel miser. But to top it off, there was a kid on the show who'd been driven for an hour just to get on TV with Tamati. My word, what thoughtful carbon-conscious actions!

'Twas the night before Christmas
and forty below
When Al Gore discovered
carbon wasn't his foe
The world's not warming
at a horrific rate
In fact it's been cooling
since nineteen ninety eight

Christmas bells those Christmas bells
Ring out from the land
The world isn't warming
quite as bad as we thought
And 'carbon footprint”
is merely a rort

Gore had CO2 dead in his sights
He had half the world convinced
and really up tight
Then it was clear
the science didn't stack up
And wealthy carbon traders
had sold us a pup

Christmas bells those Christmas bells
Ring out from the land
The earth warms and cools
of its own accord
And it's got stuff-all to do, with man

Merry Christmas to all, thanks for your wonderful support and feedback in 2008.
The Sun team looks forward to bringing you plenty more in 2009.