Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Shark hysteria, as mentioned last week, continued unabated as irrational behaviour towards these creatures went from the sublime to the ridiculous.

The latest piece of nonsense is the closure of Waihi Beach, because a lifeguard spotted a real man-eater: A 50cm baby shark. Yes that's right folks. There are real attacks happening in Whangamata from dogs, yet we don't see them closing the streets.

The beach was closed because a puny little cute baby fish, which probably couldn't even open its mouth wide enough to bite anyone, happened to swim between the flags. It could have choked on cellulite. The poor little shark is the one who needs protection. It probably needs counselling for the psychological stress of seeing all those sun-burned plump thighs and scary speedos.

No-one has yet died this year from a shark attack. But plenty have died in drownings. So instead of closing the beaches when baby sharks appear, why not close them when there's a sighting of water?

It would make more sense than the paranoid panic that's rampant around our coastline these days.

No laughing matter

In other more important news, here's a warning about laughing. It may not be as healthy for you as originally thought. So when you hear something ridiculously funny, such as a beach being closed because of a baby shark, try not to suffer oesophageal rupture or even loss of bladder control. Here's what the British Medical Journal reckons:
Research on harms arising from laughter revealed a wide-ranging list of laughing-related dangers, from asthma attacks, protrusion of abdominal hernias, jaw dislocation, and stress incontinence, cardiac and oesophageal rupture and cerebral tumours. The authors concluded: 'Laughter is not purely beneficial. The harms it can cause are immediate and dose-related, the risks being highest for Homeric (uncontrollable) laughter”.

Homeric? That's the last time I'll watch ‘The Simpsons'.

Resolutions up in smoke

How are your New Year resolutions going? I decided to take up smoking this year. It's not going very well, mainly due to the fact that I just can't bring myself to spend money on a packet. Which is strange, since the people trying to stop smoking only have to NOT FRIGGIN BUY THEM.

A couple of interesting comments came through our SunLive news site recently.
'I used to be a smoker – up to 30 cigarettes each day. My Doctor said he smoked more than that! One day I decided just to go 'cold turkey”. I handed out any smokes I had left and challenged another lass to quit as well. She did well until about 3pm in the afternoon, then let out an expletive and raced across to the supermarket and bought a packet of smokes. I looked at her and thought ‘Loser!', and continued on with my non-smoking endeavour. That was in 1972. To this day I have never had another cigarette. Based on today's prices I am saving $152 per week. I could live on that alone for my food. So stopping smoking saved me about $8000 per annum since 1972. That's $328,000 that I have saved in 41 years.”

A question from Peter P: 'Why is low alcohol beer so expensive and not available on tap in many establishments? At 2.5 per cent, it should be less expensive as I am led to believe the tax is on the alcohol content. Also across the ditch, low alcohol beer must be on tap in all bars and clubs.”

The RR New Year resolution:

I really want to achieve clarity in my life this year, so have set some New Year resolutions.

Last year, I set my resolution at 1024 x 768 but this was just too detailed and difficult to focus on. So my New Year resolution is now 640 x 480.

I'm hoping this will result in some graphic displays of change for 2014.