The life of a dog at this time of the year can be quite taxing.

All we really need is plenty of recovery time between barbecues, but the demands of the season mean that there's a lot of dogly duties to be performed.
This week, for instance, I've been working overtime on retrieving the tennis ball that gets chucked out of the ball thrower that the nice people from Animal Antics gave me for Christmas. The boss thinks he's Bjorn Borg now he can propel a ball half a mile onto the mudflats. And being a retriever type, I feel obliged to fetch. Jeez, I could get a job at Stanley Street for the ASB Classic. I'm sure Marina Erakovic needs 42 kg of pure chocolate delight lumbering around her skimpy skirt.
But I tell ya, the novelty is starting to wear a bit thin, especially when the smart alec finds that he can land the ball within a couple of metres' radius of the cat, asleep under the hedge.
Cats, as we know, have arms 200mm long but like spiderman, have a swinging reach of 2 metres. Worse than that, Ralph still thinks my nose is part of the swingball set he got for Christmas and takes every opportunity to give me a good serving.

Good service
And speaking of a good serving, I finally got to help finish the Christmas ham, when the people of the house had finished mauling it. They chucked me the bone, but not before the dastardly cat had been offered a nibble. What is the world coming to?
No wonder some desperate Labradors at the Mount have resorted to eating jellyfish on the beach. Now I know we are renowned for eating anything, but that is taking the seafood diet a little too far. Poor things, hope you recover soon.
Meanwhile, they say old dogs can't learn new tricks. Well I have. After some sizzling summer days at the bach, I discovered a great way to cool off. The people keep a bowl of water for me in the shower tray, in case I need a slurp in the middle of the night. But I've found it very convenient to plonk a paw on the edge, tipping it into the tray, and then lie down. It's a great way to keep cool on hot summer nights.

Excited bitches
And speaking of hot summer nights, I hear some of my hottie girlfriends are getting pretty excited about my Bitch of the Year contest coming up soon. My lady friend Tess from Papamoa has been working out and has a new outfit, including big pink ears and bacon-flavoured edible undies. She's not impressed that the whippet has been frequenting my local watering hole at No.1 and has been practising her nastiest lip curl.
Meanwhile, Fifi, known for flying into a catty rage (French, you know) is talking of boycotting the whole affair. But a reliable source tells me she's updated her photo portfolio and gone all-out with her Facebook profile, so maybe she's planning a last minute entry to wow the judges.
For all you other lovelies out there and my dog mates, keep those cameras clicking over summer. We are looking forward to seeing your photo collections published soon in the Sun.

For those of you looking for a change from ham and jellyfish, here's a great idea for lamb.

'Grilled Lamb Chops'

Serves 4
Ingredients
120ml olive oil
120ml red wine vinegar
60ml white wine
30ml lemon juice
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1 small onion, peeled and minced
2 tsp dried tarragon
1 tsp chopped fresh parsley
Black pepper to season
8 lamb chops (two per person)

Method
In a large container blend the olive oil, red wine vinegar, white wine, lemon juice, garlic and onion together and then season with tarragon, parsley and pepper. Place lamb chops in mixture. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for about 2 hours.
Preheat an outdoor grill or barbecue on high and lightly oil the grate. Grill lamb chops for about 5 minutes per side, or until done to your taste.

'Abbey Cocktail'

Ingredients
2 oz gin
2 oz orange juice
2 dashes orange bitters
Cherry to garnish

Method
Fill a shaker with ice. Combine all ingredients and shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with cherry.