This is what the boss's sidekick has been saying to me every time I pass him by as he points a long pointy thing at me. All this has come about after he saw the latest Clint Eastwood movie.

A dedicated, anonymous member of BARCA takes up his position ready to assist picnickers. Any likeness to myself is purely coincidental.

Who is he trying to kid? Who would know? Make his lunch?
Bloody hell, I want to eat his. And on that note I have come up with a new title for myself and am on the beat already.
It's a new scheme for the public good. This week I launched my new community assistance initiative. It is designed to help those out there who like to eat outdoors.
It's called the Barbecue Assistance Rescue Coordination Association (BARCA) which aims to attend every outdoor eating gathering and have a member of the association on standby.
We specialise in picnics and barbecues, but are not limited to those. We are also interested in weddings, food fights, and even toddlers with icecreams who may, in times of crisis, need a little helping hand to clean up.
The environment is important to us all. Spilt or leftover foodstuffs constitute a threat to the cleanliness of our parks, reserves and beaches.
Anything we can do to help, a BARCA representative will be there.
It's a bit like the Order of St John, who have zambucks at the ready to administer first aid at sports and other public events.
We are more like the Order of St Bernard, although not as big and hairy and instead of carrying a keg of liquor, we just carry a healthy appetite. (For public assistance, that is.)
There are a lot of picnickers out there who sometimes struggle to get through their full courses.
In the interests of assisting them and also helping the environment, by ensuring there's no wasteful leftovers to litter the surroundings, my programme takes care of any surplus foodstuffs and also checks the wrappers for residue.
You can never be too careful with food hygiene at this time of the year. Residue on wrappers, left in the heat, can attract undesirable bacteria and pests such as rodents and, in some extremely unfortunate cases, cats.
Other benefits for recipients of our service: we assist in your weight loss efforts. Of course, this often means a corresponding weight gain on behalf of our BARCA members, but this is all part of the sacrifice that our dedicated team is prepared to make for you, the dining public.
If you have a function planned and feel that our services could benefit your participants, call us today on our 0800 number.

I have talked about my do goody side, now let's get on to Johnny, my old mate from the Aussie Butcher's in Gate Pa. This guy can make my lunch any day of the week, especially with the quality of his meat.

Anyway moving right along, the old fella has steak and kidney on special this week, so as it is getting a little cooler at night let's give this recipe a go.

'Steak and Kidney Pie'

Ingredients
600g stewing steak, diced
280g kidneys, trimmed and finely sliced
125g flour
salt and pepper to taste
1 onion, peeled and chopped
1 tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
7.5ml tomato purée
150ml beef stock
225g puff pastry
1 egg, beaten for glazing

Method
Heat the oven to 220C.
Toss steak and kidney in a bowl with flour, salt and pepper.
Put the onion, meat and parsley into a pie dish and pack down.
Pour in the tomato purée, stock and enough water to come half way up the dish.
Roll out the pastry to 2mm thick and cut a long strip to fit around the pie dish. Brush the lip of the dish with water and press the strip of pastry on to it. Brush the strip with more water and put the pastry over the top to make a lid. Cut away any excess and crimp the edges.
Cut a 1cm hole in the centre to allow the steam to escape and decorate the pie with any leftover pastry trimmings. Chill the pie for 10 minutes, brush with the beaten egg and then bake in the oven for 30 minutes until the pastry is golden and risen.
Decrease the heat to 180C and continue cooking the pie for another 90 minutes until the meat is tender. If the pastry gets too dark, cover with foil.
Serve with your favourite red wine.

That's about my lot for this week so hope we see you down at my favourite watering hole No.1 The Strand for a little fun and frivolity. Remember though, do it to them before they do it to you. Cheers all.