Lately I've felt like my good mate 'Hef”. With all the centrefold pictures rolling in of all you bitches, I know how he feels, bloody great!

I received this picture and letter the other day, and the judges here at my favourite watering hole, No.1 The Strand, have voted her Pet of the Month for February. So impressed am I with her poise and articulation, I have to ask myself why I even bothered with that other French slapper, FiFi. Anyway here is Ruby's letter and picture taken by her best friend Sally. Eat your heart out, boys.

Ruby, Bitch Of The Year '09

Bonjour Diesel,
In my magnificent apartment in the beautiful Paris where they deliver The Weekend Sun, my lovely brown eyes and long eyelashes feasted on your handsome face and wonderful brown coat. I'm here to give that FiFi a shove, for sole attention and to be your most favourite girl. The most gorgeous bitch of the year. With love and lustful thought to you, Ruby

Alrighty, I can now recline in my red velvet Jacket, with my French slippers on my feet, and relax in my old age knowing, once you have it, it stays with you. Which is more than I can say for my old mate Johnny at the Aussie Butcher; his meat is so good, it just keeps leaving him. On that note, let's give this recipe a go.

'Barbecue Meatloaf'

Ingredients
1 1/2 pounds steak mince
1 cup fresh bread crumbs
1 onion, diced
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 (8-ounce) cans tomato sauce
3 tablespoons vinegar
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup water, to thin sauce if necessary

Directions
Preheat oven to 180C.
Mix together beef, bread crumbs, onion, egg, salt, pepper, and 1/2 cup of the tomato sauce. Form mixture into a loaf and place in a shallow pan. Stir together the remaining tomato sauce, vinegar, sugar, mustard, Worcestershire and the water (if too thick). Pour sauce over the meatloaf. Bake for 1 hour, basting every 15 minutes with the pan juices. (Serves 6) Cook's Note: Try serving as a sandwich with mayonnaise.

'Hot Kiss Coffee'

Ingredients
½ oz Crème de Menthe (white)
½ oz Crème de Cacao (white)
1 oz Whiskey
6 oz Hot Coffee

Directions
Pour liqueurs and whiskey into Irish coffee glass. Add coffee and stir. Top with whipped cream. (Serves 1)

Well that's all for this week folks and keep those pictures rolling in. I will have to do a little more research on 'Hef” to find out how he copes with it all. I would think he has to have his own little blue pill factory. No worries though folks, he is not a lean mean lovin' machine like me.
Hope I catch up with you down on the Strand, for a little fun, and what ever else floats your boat.