It has been so quiet down on The Strand this week, I've had time to reflect and ramble on about how I have seen things in the two-legger world over the last few days, through the eyes of ‘the chocolate crusader'.

The reason I am qualified to pass judgement on a few of these issues is that I have to put up with the boss and the apprentice solving the problems of the world, outside my kennel.
It's been a good week to be tucked inside a warm, dry kennel. Mind you, that vertically-challenged and circumference-deficit cousin of mine, Oscar, managed to weasel his way out during our day at grandma's and cosied up next to her La-Z-Boy in the lounge, leaving all the outside dogly duties to me.
Now the main bitch of the week (no, not you FiFi or Red), has been David Bain's jersey. I have seen some mobile slippers (Brandy and Huff spring to mind) wearing stupid coats, but this guy's fashion sense comes either direct from the ‘Naomi's Cardy' handbook, or he has seen a picture of Mary Dillon's dress. It has not taken long for some intrepid two-leggers to start the knitting, I can hear the click-clack of the needles now as they are trying to fill a Hallenstein's order, and not to be out done, someone painted the jersey pattern on canvas, and tried to sell it for $15,000. Please, give me strength!
Apparently they were a little upset when they did not get the reserve. Now David, you will be better off borrowing something out of your mate Joe's wardrobe.
My next gripe: the New Zealand Rugby Union, for scheduling a test match at 7.30 pm, in Dunedin, in the middle of bloody winter. They cannot get anyone to play the game down there, let alone go along to watch one. Damn, you would freeze your bollocks off; or if you are a true blue Scarfie, burn the furniture on the embankment to keep warm.
Now the next thing, dear me, Richard, what were you thinking? Was it really Worth it? Or dare I say it, is this another Labour Party scam, as even I cannot believe anyone can be this dumb. Need I say more? Obviously John knows more than an innocent Labrador in Tauranga.
That's all I can comment on folks, I have to call in and see my good mate Johnny the Aussie Butcher in Gate Pa, and stock up on food for me. Hopefully they will get one of those bolar roasts, he has on special this week.

'Pot Roast'

Ingredients
1 bolar roast, hand tied tight to a 4 inch diameter
3 tablespoons tomato paste
2 garlic cloves, crushed
2 bay leaves
1 tablespoon fresh ground black pepper
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon onion salt
5 large red potatoes, cubed
3 carrots
2 onions
1 stalk celery

Method
Place roast in a slow cooker and season with tomato paste, garlic, bay leaves, pepper, salt and onion salt. Put 1 1/2-inches of water in the bottom. Surround the roast with 1/2 inch cubes or stew cuts of fresh vegetables. Roast on low heat for two hours, turn over and cook for another 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Serve with gravy.

'Fancy Whiskey'

Ingredients
2oz blended whiskey
1/2oz superfine sugar
1/2oz triple sec
Dash bitters

Method
Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass, garnish with a twist of lemon.
See you all next week and keep warm out there or find someone to wrap yourself around. I will hopefully be able to put on my possum ear muffs again.