After my debut on the cat walk the other weekend, I have had a lot of comments on my body mass. It has been a little distressing for an emotionally relaxed canine like myself. I have to seek some counselling.

Don't you twoleggers understand that it is just winter insulation, and there's no need to get personal? Man, if you want to help, send food parcels.
When I start to get called things like the Brown Bomber, The Round Hound, Labrabarndoor, and just plain ‘hey you, Fatty', don't you folks realise the bosses are very careful about my calorie intake? It is only when they are away or their backs are turned that I supplement the rations, get into the avocados and help myself to the apprentice's ice cream. It's not my fault that he's silly enough to leave it at nose level.
Also I have earned frequent travel miles by getting into the neighbour's compost pits. And on the point of frequent travel points, one of the boss's little miniature twoleggers visited this week and drew a few pictures of flying dogs for me.
One I have pinned on my kennel notice board except I know I have a huge motor, but I have to take lessons on the art of gracefully sailing through the air as I fear my wing span is not quite up to it, to lift my 42kg frame off the ground. I have tried leaping off banks and all that but unfortunately there is nothing graceful about it and the ground rises very quickly to meet me. Thanks, Phoebe, I will treasure the picture, but I think I will stay with what I know best. That is, warming the boss's feet and eating.
Now, talking about eating and a few of you folks out there calling me ‘Porky'. My good mate Johnny from the Aussie Butcher has roasts of pork on special this week, so get in and see him, and a few bones coming my way will help to settle my emotional state.

'Glazed pork shoulder'

Ingredients
1 smoked shoulder
Water
4 orange slices
4 pineapple slices
4 to 6 cooked and peeled kumara
3 tablespoons light corn syrup
3 tablespoons brown sugar

Method
Cover pork with water. Simmer until tender. Remove to large baking dish or roasting pan.
Arrange orange and pineapple slices and kumara around pork. Drizzle meat and vegetables with a little corn syrup then sprinkle brown sugar over all. Bake at 200C for 25 minutes, until browned and glazed. Serves four.

'Night cap'

Ingredients
2oz white rum
4oz warm milk
1 dash cinnamon
1 tsp sugar

Method
Mix sugar, milk and rum in a coffee mug. Sprinkle with cinnamon.
Well, folks that's all from me this week. Take care out there and remember - do it to them before they do it to you.