The boys and I are getting a petition together.

With all the two-legger talk on the topic of registering cats, we thought we would start the fur flying. We are on a mission.
If it's okay for us intellects of the canine variety to have tracking devices inserted into us, why is it not okay for the odd pussy or two to be inserted as well? Ooops, you know what I mean. The law has to change. And I, being the chocolate crusader, am going to lead the charge…well, that is until it gets dangerous.
Following my series last month on How to Chase Cats, the logical progression is Diesel's Register Of Dangerous, Sinister Felines.

Evil cats
Please send me your information on the downright evil cats you have had the misfortune to come across. The lads and I will compile New Zealand's first database on the dastardly. We may have to include that cheeky cuzz of mine Ady (even though she's not a cat) because it's bloody difficult keeping her out of anything, as you can see by the trail of destruction around my kennel.
I thought we would call this new register 'The Notoriously Dangerous Feline Club.”
Please send all information, to:
Diesel, c/o The Weekend Sun, PO Box 240,
Tauranga

We will keep you posted and there may be a few little prizes for the most dastardly information you can provide.
I'll start the fur flying by dropping my arch nemesis Ralph in at the top of the list.
And here's why; for a start he lives in my house.
The nasty little sod turned up at Sun Media about six years ago and the staff were silly enough to open the door and feed him.
When we moved, he was put out to pasture and sent to live out his last days at my place. Hell, that was over two years ago and he is still making my life a misery. It's like he has gained two more lives! And I can't see any respite anytime soon.

Those claws
I hate playing second fiddle to anyone, but with this sinister beast, I have no choice. It is rather hard to say anything with his claws immersed in my jowls. To add insult to all my injuries, he gets to sit on the boss's lap! It's been years, well, since I was under 30kgs, since I have been allowed anywhere near the boss's knee. But wait there's more. He has a mate from up the road who I swear is his body double and now I have the sinister felines in stereo.
Rightio, on to Johnny the Aussie Butcher. Talk about my beef with cats, this boy has beef on special this week at the shop in Gate Pa so get in there and see him.

'Beef casserole'

Ingredients
1 cup uncooked rice
1 Tbsp minced onion
1 cup beef broth
1 small sirloin or round steak, trimmed of fat and cut into small cubes
½ cup butter, cut into small pieces
Method
Mix rice, onion and broth in a casserole dish. Top with steak and butter. Cover and bake at 180C for about one hour. Serves 4.

'Admiral'

Ingredients
1oz bourbon
1½ oz dry vermouth
½ oz lemon juice

Method
Fill mixing glass with ice.
Add bourbon, dry vermouth and lemon juice. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon twist.
Well that's all folks, see you next week.
Diesel.