Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

This week's column is short, and a bit of a rush job. I was told the world was ending so I didn't see the need to write one.

Next thing you know, we are all still here and civilisation is still fairly civilised, except maybe for some parts of Hamilton and the odd pocket in Ohauiti. And the civilised world demands a Rabbits.

Fortunately, we've been swamped with suggestions from you for a new flag. Yes, despite the imminent collapse of civilisation as we know it, some of you are still finnicking about designing alternative flags for New Zealand.

So on the off chance that we remain civilised long enough to run a new flag up the pole, keep those designs coming in.

Thanks to all those who took the trouble to sharpen your coloured pencils and get out the felt tip pens to come up with ideas so far. We will print some of them in the next issue.

Build a career

How can the country have people unemployed, when the building industry, among others, is crying out for apprentices?

Just this week the Building and Construction Industry Training Organisation put out a call for 5000 more, saying despite a 55 per cent increase in sign-ups last year, the construction industry is still woefully short of building apprentices.

Suggestion to parents of teenagers without career ideas: look up the BCITO and check out the prospects of a job in construction.

Giant rat scaremongering

Now I know it's getting close to April 1, but this is a bit wild and weird, even for Fool's day.

A pest control company warns that rats could get as big as sheep.

Talk about Panic Merchants. They reckon that as larger mammals become extinct, rats could prosper and grow…really big.

We've seen some big rats lately. Most of them in Wellington, although there's the odd large rodent north of here, and we have a gnawing worry that giant politician rodents, the size of Dotcom, could soon roam the annals of power.

I've seen a few shearers in action and I'd love to see them throwing a giant rat onto its back and taking a few long blows along the belly.

There are some logistic problems. How is a giant rat going to crawl up our drain pipes, under the corrugated iron and chew out the wiring to the sky dish?

More likely, the fat rodent is going to stay happily on the ground and graze the lawn, bleating every five minutes and then, if conforming to sheep-like behaviour, running around the yard following all the other ratsheep – jumping over fences that aren't really there.

Jeez, the dogs we're going to need to herd the ratsheep will be humungous. The average border collie or huntaway isn't going to cut it. We're going to need some heavy weight stock controllers to keep these suckers in line.

Biology with balls

As if giant rats aren't scary enough, a presentation by a scientist this week featured on some very real creatures that make Dotcom look almost loveable. Waikato University's Dr Alison Campbell gave a talk about some biological curiosities, including the ‘Gonad footed shrimp'.

Unfortunately I was out of town and missed the session on evolutional oddities, but it sure sounds fascinating. It could explain how we ended up with Patrick Gower.
And if your career as a builder doesn't work out, maybe get into science. I'm sure we don't have enough people studying the Gonad Footed Shrimp. Heaven forbid if it went the same way as the giant rat.

The last thing we need are enormous shrimps rampaging the planet with their appendages on their feet.

Nit pics

Meanwhile, the selfie photo has become the new trendy thing. Everyone is taking selfies all over the place, for all sorts of reasons. An interesting spin-off, reports one American lice treatment specialist, is a sudden upsurge in head lice infestations.

Macy McQuillan reports her clinics in California, called Nitless Noggins, have experienced a dramatic increase in lice infestations due to all that 'head bumping” young people have been doing, to get themselves in the frame for selfies with their mates.

She says teenagers are sticking their heads together every day for cellphone photos. Head to head contact is one of the major causes of lice spreading.

Parting shot

The Bad Taste Award of the Week goes to Air New Zealand, which has been pushing this slogan in the same news bulletins as reports of the missing flight MH370 airplane: Disappearing Deals.

Way to go, Air NZ. You really know how to show some compassion. Forget your half-baked attempts at Disappearing Deals, Malaysian airlines do a much better job.