Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

The nation has been transfixed with the antics of a chubby little wannabe monarch.

The country is nearly paralysed, enthralled with his changeable moods and silly faces, squealing with delight amongst his toys, sudden angry bouts, to throw immature grumpy public tantrums.

With an eye to lording it over his subjects, this tubby future tyrant takes little notice of the security people ever present, eyeing his every move.

But that's enough about Dotcom. Let's focus on a more mature figure in the news, George.

Great to see the royals here and brilliant exposure worldwide for Nuzzillin. Let's just hope little George doesn't have a Buzzy Bee inflicted upon his impressionable young mind. (I was 26 when I finally realised that bees had legs and wings that flapped, rather than wheels that spun their paddles).

If we are going to indoctrinate George with ancient and desperate Kiwi culture, we may as well give him a pair of stubbies and roll a pack of Rothmans in his shirt sleeve.
We'd love to have brought you endless photos, but our budget doesn't run to a Royal Reporter. So we've decided to treat you, our readers like royalty. Send us your selfies, in right royal fashion, and we'll crown the best in next week's edition with everlasting fame and some cool prizes. Just keep it seemly, WE WILL NOT BE AMUSED by any close ups of your crown jewels.

Send us your royal poses to: brian@thesun.co.nz or post to RR headquarters, PO Box 240, Tauranga 3140.

Now some serious news

This week we must alert you to a very important awareness campaign.

Winter is approaching. The roads may be wet and icy. We want you to make it home safely to you loved ones, to be able to step through the door to a heart-warming welcome … and … be walloped on the noggin by a high velocity pillow.

That's right. We've just celebrated International Pillow Fight Day.

Hang on, isn't this story is meant to be about Tyre Awareness Week?

Yes, we answer our own rhetorical question. But Pillow Fight Day is much more interesting, when you have the mind the size of a peanut and are more interested in pointless nonsense, than sensible advice that could save your life. Which is the case with most of this column's readers.

HOWEVER we must point out the obvious. If you neglect your tyres, it means you may not live to see next year's International Pillow Fight Day, which would be a great tragedy.

So back to your tyres. Check the depth of tread and condition. Check the air pressure. All tyres lose a bit of air over time, so most need regular topping up.

Minimum tread depth is 2mm but it's interesting to note that the police change theirs at 3mm.

An informed reader tells us that there are some anomalies in this tread depth business. A total of 73 deaths have been attributed to tyres, between 2008 and 2012. But he suspects the effect of bald tyres is understated, because the police only record tread depth as a contributing problem if it's less than 1.5mm. Our reader suggests the message about speed and alcohol is simplistic and not enough focus is on legal, but inferior tyres.

I'm more curious as to why the police consider it acceptable for us, the Great Unwashed*, to drive around with tyres worn down to 2mm tread, while their own standards are set much higher at 3mm.

The current suggestions are to check your tread depth with a 20 cent coin. If you can read the whole number, your rubber is on the brink.

So here's our two cents worth. Don't wait till your tyres get down to the 20 cents. Don't wait for the police (or the council gestapo) to hit you up for worn treads. Those tyres have to be right not just now, but through winter and through to your next WOF.

Change earlier rather than later and keep a watch on tyre pressures. That will not only improve safety, handling and stopping distances, but save fuel consumption.

Did you hear that?

Meanwhile officials leading the search for the missing Malaysian airliner's flight recorder have discounted pinger sounds recorded by a Chinese ship. It has emerged the sounds came from the ship itself.

Some unkind people have been slinging off about the ineptitude of the Chinese navy. Chasing its tail, said some commentators who have been quite rude, verging on racist, taking cracks at the hapless Chinese ability.

Which is why here at RR we have remained balanced and mature in our coverage, keen to have the Chinese crew tell their side of the story – seeking the captain's comments on their search effort.

We had hoped to have an interview with skipper, Wong Ping. Or his hearing-impaired step brother and second mate, Wat Foo King Ping.

He was busy dealing with a stowaway, seaman Dim Fuk had concealed his girlfriend aboard, Sum Dum Ho, uncovered by ship's engineer, Hu Yu Hai Ding.

The captain's cousin and navigator Dat Ow Ping was always sceptical about the source of the signal. The crewman who first reported the sound, Hei Wat Dong Ing, says his cabin mate also heard it, Sum Ting Ding.

This information came from a reliable source, the ship's cook, Pot Luk Kat.