Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Easter wouldn't be the same without some cautionary words from your year-round rabbit.

That's right. While you're sucking up to the Easter bunny this weekend, just take into account that this one-trick pony only shows up once a year. Some of us more reliable members of the rabbit industry provide year-round bunny duties. Often a thankless task, with long days and lonely nights, on call, performing rigorous rabbiting, week in and week out.

Not just some interloper who shows up with bribery of chocolate and marshmallow, to party once a year, then high-tails it back to some cosy burrow to put his lazy lucky rabbit feet up for the rest of the year.

Oh no, the Rogers Rabbit delivers 52 weeks of the year.

And consider this. The Easter Bunny has a dark side. You can never trust anyone these days, particularly a character who offers children sweeties. And from a fashion viewpoint, you have to ask about the peculiar orientation of E.Bunny, considering the mincing around with the gay basket.

You think the E. Bunny is all sweetness and generosity? Well he ain't that nice. There are disturbing cases stretching back decades.

Chocolate bunny suit

A few years ago the European's highest court wrestled with the question: Can you trademark a chocolate bunny?

Chocolate maker Lindt of Switzerland held a trademark for a gold foil-wrapped chocolate bunny, including a jingle bell around its neck and red bow tie.

To cover its bases and fight against knock-off bunnies, the company is also reported to have trademarked a 'naked” bunny, without foil.

Things got sticky when an Austrian chocolate maker produced a similar foil-wrapped bunny, very similar but without the jingling bell.

The Easter spirit quickly evaporated as the lawyers got their teeth into the suits and counter claims, amid the murky waters of three-dimensional trademarks.

Armed and dangerous

Also, Easter Bunny was implicated in a US $2.1 million law suit for wrongful arrest a couple of decades ago.

The case of Timothy Wagner and John Payment, versus the County of Cattaraugus in New York Western District Court, unfolded when the two men, on an Easter road trip in 1992 with a bunny suit (as you do), decided to photograph themselves with the bunny mask at every ‘Welcome to the County' sign along the way.

Hopping bandits

In one particular town, they saw a young girl celebrating Easter in a cafe and decided to give her a thrill by putting the bunny mask on and peeking through the window.
Unfortunately, it was reported to the local sheriff that a man in a rabbit mask was looking in the window of the bank. One thing led to another, and soon a couple of deputies were hot on the trail of the accused bunny bandits, with the vehicle registration, soon discovering one of the men had a record. (Turns out, it was for a tax conviction). That did not stop police putting out an APB and describing vice school principal Wagner and his friend, as 'armed and
dangerous”.

In true American style, the two bunny men were arrested at gunpoint on suspicion of bank robbery. Even though no bank had been robbed.

The men were detained and questioned for a couple of hours; their stories matched and they were released without charge. Everyone, it is reported, was laughing. Until Wagner and Payment sued.

The judge found it was a warrantless arrest for a crime that hadn't been committed.
The Fourth Amendment protects citizens against 'unreasonable searches and seizures”.

E. Bunny interview

Finally, here's an excerpt from a report by John Scalzi, whoever he is, who claims to have interviewed the Easter Bunny. It highlights some of the tension between E.Bunny and S.Claus and their competing operations.

Is there is just one Easter Bunny? Moreover, has the same Easter Bunny been the
Easter Bunny for the last couple of millennia?”

E. Bunny: 'There are quite a few Easter Bunnies, and we've never made a secret about that. Unlike the Santa Claus operation, which works under the improbable assumption that one guy delivers all those presents”.

Are you saying Santa is a sham?

E. Bunny: 'I never said that. What I am saying is that we don't work under the same sort of constraints. I mean, think about it. One bunny delivering baskets to several hundred million homes across the planet? The friction from the atmosphere alone would turn the poor guy into a bunny briquette. There'd be hideous charcoal smudges all over the baskets. ‘Easter Bunny' is a job description, not a proper name. It's like ‘Postal Carrier', except our employees very rarely become disgruntled”.

So there you have it. It would appear there are multiple Easter Bunnies; he's outsourced the entire operation. You have no idea whether you're getting authentic service or just some franchised rip-off.

Coming soon on RR: We bust the Man In The Moon and lift the lid on the Tooth Fairy.