This contains more rabbiting and ranting than usual, due to what few braincells remain after the festive season being diluted by large quantities of ingested salt water.

It is amazing to think that a brain, already packed with so many great ideas, could possibly fit in another molecule. It is awe inspiring what the power of the Bay of Plenty surf can pack into an already fully-crammed cranium.
Not only is the head full of water, but hearing has reached an all time low. This could be due to water logging, or maybe a deeper psychological issue, about being in denial of responsibilities.
When my lovely wife said on Monday, the first day back at work:
'Get out of bed, you friggin sod, you won't be on time at this rate.”
I'm sure she said 'get out the beer, your jigging rod, you'll want a good time with your mates.”
The brain, still in holiday mode and with salt water swilling around, still cannot grasp the concept of going to work. No, it did not send a message to the stomach calling for muesli and yoghurt at 6.30am. It said 'go back to sleep for a couple of hours and expect a big brunch at 11 of bacon, eggs, sausages, re-fried leftovers from last night's barbecue.”
Even the car did not want to go to work. It refused to perform like the boat. The right hand kept reaching for the remote throttle lever and no one on the road was obeying the 'keep to starboard, pass port-to-port” rule.

Your Guardian Angel
With the new year comes some exciting new developments at The Sun.
Diesel the dog is very excited about his search for Bitch of the Year and you can read more about progress with this competition in his column.
We are very pleased to announce the launch of a new column for all you troubled souls out there: Ask Angel.
Angel doesn't expect to work miracles, but she can offer wise and experienced advice to anyone on any topic; with a touch of intuition for good measure. The best letters from readers and Angel's advice will be published regularly in The Sun. So get those questions in. Send them to askangel@xtra.co.nz or post them to Ask Angel, C/- Sun Editor, PO Box 240, Tauranga or fax 571 1116.
Keep your questions short and to the point and Angel will provide insightful and entertaining answers to your life's dilemmas.

Your drug habits
We need to have a serious talk about your drug habits. It has been revealed recently that there's quite a good case for saving the rainforest, by growing your own cocaine.
For every ounce of cocaine produced, 4.4 square metres of rainforest is destroyed.
This is timely, as the New Zealand Drug Foundation has launched a survey, to find out about New Zealanders' behaviour and attitude to driving on drugs.
It seems we know a lot about drink driving but not a lot about drug-driving. (They obviously haven't spent much time on the Coromandel.)
The results won't be out for a while, but some of the factors are:
Would roadside testing work as a deterrent?
How long has 'deterrent” had only one 'T” but two 'Rs”?
What would we do with the results? Can we get a huge amount of funding and pay ourselves exorbitant consultants rates for many years?
Is it safe to drive after taking prescription drugs?
Does riding a skateboard after consuming three Vs and four Coldrex constitute drug-driving?
Apparently the survey is similar to one done in Australia last year. I would like to know: What is the difference between a drugged Aussie and a straight one? Most of them seem a bit senseless.
Here at RR we'd like to know what they intend to find out about stupid people. Because there are some people out there driving (most of you) who are as impaired when you are 'normal” as the cleverer people are when they are drunk or drugged.
I've known a few stupid people in my life, and it would be great to be stupid. It must be like being permanently off your face. The fact that these people can get behind the wheel of a car, use firearms, ATMs, raise children, kill their children, vote and conduct other 'responsible” acts is a major concern.
What we need is a test for Competency of Conduct. It should be a test that everyone has to pass before they're allowed on the street, out of a straight jacket, or to breed.
Some people would fail it, sober. Undrugged. Just being their normal, permanently-impaired selves. Others would pass it after five rums and a couple of valium.
I did, then wrote this column.