The wise ones out there have found the answer to the heat and humidity – jump in the water at regular intervals. Ten thousand zillion fish can't be wrong.

However be aware, dear readers of the hazards that lurk beneath.
My lovely wife discovered this week just how hazardous life on the coast can be, when she suffered the most serious loss – a MOB situation.
No it wasn't her beloved husband plummeting into the cool blue depths in a case of Man Over Board. That would be straight forward enough to deal with:
1. Find a cup holder and put down the glass of gin, careful to not spill any or lose the slice of lemon from the rim.
2. Throw him something to float on, preferably something not too expensive or important. There is a nice red life preserver, but they are expensive, so maybe a fish bin lid or a couple of empty soft drink bottles.
3. Turn the boat around to retrieve him, unless its inconvenient, in which case…
4. Re-set the auto pilot for the nearest bay with a café.
However, the MOB situation this week was a case of Mobile Over Board.
Considering Claire is attached to her phone as if by umbilical cord – running the business, constantly emailing and texting – the loss of the Palm device into the sea was in her mind, a devastating blow.
In my mind, it's the best thing to happen all week.
She spent the entire time 'in-communicado” which is a Latin term meaning 'totally reliant on husband's cellphone for all contact with the outside world.”
This was a source of great delight for me. I know small things amuse small minds, but the thought of peace, quiet and the complete absence of key-tapping for the rest of the week was blissful.
When her friends and work acquaintances started calling my phone to speak to her, and said they'd already called her phone but couldn't get through, I asked 'did the fish answer?”
Virtually every hour I came up with a new solution to her dilemma.
'Lost your shellphone, darling?
'Try calling Shellycom.”

Meanwhile in Japan...
Others to discover the perils of the deep recently included three Japanese diners who were most surprised to find themselves critically ill after eating blowfish testicles.
(Not half as surprised, I suspect, as the blowfish.)
The 'dangerous delicacy” was apparently prepared by an unlicensed chef, which resulted in severe poisoning.

Also in Japan, tourists in Tokyo have been banned from the fishmongers at the world's largest seafood market for bad behaviour, including licking the tuna.
Debate is raging after one tourist, apparently over-indulging in the saki, decided to French kiss the icy frozen fish. Fish officials took a dim view of $NZ20,000 worth of sushi being tongue-lashed by idiotic Westerners.
Other tourists have been caught joy riding in the fish market's hand carts.

Aquatic discoveries
One good thing to come from the sea this week was our discovery of a very talented sailor musician we found floating around Mercury Bay. Art will soon be coming to our Tauranga shores, as soon as the wind is favourable, to play some refreshing Carribean, calypso and reggae numbers at a local bar. No prizes for guessing which One. (See the ad in this paper for other action at No.1 The Strand restaurant and bar this week.)
More details to come, on the calypso night, once we sight Art on the horizon.

Price tag
Finally, the perils of the deep will pale into insignificance when those intrepid scientist building the huge Hadron Collider finally get it going, now delayed ‘til September. They've been stalled on their plans to smash atoms together, for reasons the rest of us can only wonder about in total disbelief. The alternations are costing $NZ41million on top of the project which has already cost about $20 billion. So much for the recession.
Now wouldn't that have fed some starving people or maybe helped buy a new Gaza strip for someone who desperately seems to need one?
Imagine that much spent on something worthwhile for humanity or towards world peace.
Some say the project risks plunging the entire solar system into a man-made Black Hole.
Where, I suspect we will find everything else that's gone missing from earth in the last couple of millennia.
Including Elvis, some odd socks, some very startled neutered blowfish, and Claire's cellphone.