Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Finally we have the answer to the most puzzling riddle: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the Auckland City zoned it homeless. A proposal is in front of the jafa council to require poultry ranchers to get a licence to keep more than six chooks on urban properties. The bylaw is aimed at preventing stock ownership becoming a nuisance to neighbours.

And the council is not stopping at chickens. The proposal intends to put controls on ducks, roosters, geese and sheep. Interesting, the council itself lets about 20 turkeys gather for the purpose of making the rules.

Ironic headline of the week

George Harrison tree killed by beetles: A pine tree in memory of Beatle George has been eaten by his namesake. The tree planted at Griffith Park, LA after the musician's death in 2001, is believed to have been killed by bark beetles.

It hasn't taken long for the wags on the web to come up with some re-written songs. Such as ‘Eleanor Bugby'. And ‘Festerday'.

Yesterday, all those beetles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half the tree I used to be, There's no more leaves hanging over me…
And…Something in the way she chews, reminds me of no other insect.

Something in the way she kills me, I want her to leave me now.

I want her to leave my bough…

More messing with language

A discussion developed in the newsroom this week, when some of the younger set queried the phrase 'claytons”.

Some googled it to find the meaning. It struck me as ironic that both those words, claytons and googled, rocked their way into our language; along with a whole stampede of other names and slang, while some quite deliberate attempts to make up new words for specific purposes have failed miserably.

One of those springing to mind is oxt.

There are moves afoot to invent a new word that means 'the weekend after this weekend”.

Some Californian nerds, tired of the confusion with 'next weekend” decided to have a term of its own, to end the confusion between 'this weekend” and 'the one after.”
They've decided the one after should be named ‘oxt' weekend. They've banging on about it for several years but the word has failed to find a foothold in our language.
Part of the problem is that people will still say 'next weekend” and the confusion will still exist, despite the efforts of the oxt brigade.

Not crazy after all

For years my family has labelled me crazy, for refusing to take airline flights that go too close to war zones, in the belief there's increased risk of the plane being accidently shot down. Until this week.

There's been a fair bit of 'Told you so” mumbled at news time around our house. Some of the family now have a new respect for the mutterings of a crazed father and husband.

'I know a thing or two about these missiles,” I used to warble on to anyone who'd listen.

'It wouldn't take much for a maniac or an incompetent to mistake a civilian airliner for a target…or just shoot one down for the fun of it,” I'd tell them, as they rolled their eyes and made spiralling gestures around their ears with their fingers.

'You won't find me flying over those mad-ass countries…”

I find it unbelievable it has taken 298 innocent deaths for the flyzone blacklist to finally get some widespread understanding. Countries that are already on the RR no-go of countries to fly over:

The most notorious 'fly around” zones include Libya which is seething with nutters touting shoulder-launched weapons; Syria in civil war with many choppers downed; Sahel region of Africa, any country starting with 'Ir” and any country ending in ‘an' and especially any with a Q in it (be suspicious of anyone using a Q without a U); and a fair sweep of Central Asia which is crawling with crazed whackos with weapons.

I'd also be a bit sceptical of any country that gets excited with a lot of drums, face paint and jumping up and down, although as long you're above spear throwing height, you might be okay.

Clearly it's a stupid idea to fly at any altitude over Somalia, Ethiopia, Ukraine, Crimea, and probably the Ureweras.

The FAA has rightly pointed the finger at a few other of my least favourite places, dodgy fly zones including trigger-happy nutters in the Congo, Kenya, Mali and Afghanistan; it always pays to be suspicious of any culture that bandage their heads even before the explosions start.

The Yemen and the Sinai and of course anywhere near the stoush with Israel and the Pallies over Gaza. Nigeria has the Boko Haram roaming around with some fireworks, and when they're not messing with young girls, get their jollies from firing at anything that moves.

Don't even start me on the lunatic at the top half of Korea.

The Herald reports: 'Fifty to 60 countries around the world possess radar-guided high-altitude missile systems like the one that shot down the Boeing 777,” quoting a knowledgeable military dude.

'A much smaller weapon that poses a more immediate threat are the hundreds of thousands of portable missile systems called MANPADS, can strike targets flying as high as 15,000 feet.

'High-altitude missiles are much more expensive than MANPADS, much larger and require greater technical expertise.”

Memo to family and disbelievers:

Take a boat.

Mind you, even with all those surface to air rockets and portable missile systems, you are still relatively safe travelling in the air, compared to driving on State Highway 2.

A little known fact

At last, a Green candidate that walked the talk: one of the crew missing on the yacht Nina was Matthew Wootton, 35, a leader of the British Greens.

He was sailing aboard the Nina when it disappeared. It's reported he refused to fly, not because of safety concerns, but on environmental grounds.

Sure, he's missing at sea and presumed dead, so acting on his beliefs and principles hasn't panned out that well. But it highlights the hypocrisy of many of the so called greenies who continue to drive, fly and burn fossil fuels just like real people; while preaching at the rest of us about oil drilling and sustainability and carbon theories.
At last, here was a man with the courage of his convictions.

brian@thesun.co.nz