As if pigs didn't already have enough to worry about, firstly busted for masterminding the swine flu epidemic that has ravaged (?) the world. Now they're at the centre of cruel farming allegations.

Pigs have always been troublesome. Just ask Kermit. We all remember the extreme difficulties he faced, trying to keep Miss Piggy under constraint on The Muppets.
The pork officials certainly have their work cut out, not only to stem the backlash against swine flu, but now facing a public relations nightmare with their former poster boy Mike King turning on them, putting pork producers on a media spit roast.
There's always two sides to every story and I can't help thinking we haven't seen a very balanced picture on the pig farming issue yet.
Sure, the pig farming scenes on TV were not pretty. Farming often isn't. But despite the media feeding frenzy at the trough, that farmer is breaking no law. Pigs, like some teenagers, aren't known for aesthetically pleasing living conditions and habits. They often are only concerned about getting their next feed and rooting around. Same with the pigs.
Consumers are very sheltered from the realities of rearing animals for slaughter and consumption. We don't see them mated, born, grown, fattened, slaughtered, gutted, butchered and prepared for sale. All consumers see is the sanitised, PC version – a tidy, conveniently-packaged piece of clean meat ready for cooking. Void of all the unpleasantaries, blood and guts that went into its production.

Spare the details
Even TV's tough boy Marc Ellis has found the realities of life and death for pigs a little daunting this week, as he shied away from the final despatch scene of a wild pig hunt on his TV show.
The reality is this: Rearing animals and the slaughter not a pretty sight.
There's a simple relationship between animal welfare and cost of farming. If you want the animal flesh you eat to be cheap, then the conditions those animals are farmed under will reflect that.
Improving those conditions simply costs more.
Just as you can opt for free range eggs, so too, your bacon and pork can, for a price, come from piggeries with five star living quarters.
Further, the emotive filming of those distressed-looking pigs was done in the middle of the night. I'd like to see the look on the faces of Janet MacIntyre or Cameron Bennett in their jarmies if we burst into their properties in the dark of night, with lights and cameras blazing, and recorded their reactions. Pretty much the same as startled, distressed pigs, I'd imagine.

King of the sty
But getting back to Mike King and his spectacular about-face. Will he be giving all the money earned from dirty pig farming back to a worthy cause, such as the SPCA?
MAF has decided the pig farmer (already named, tried and convicted by media) hasn't broken any laws, unlike the animal activists.
So when can we expect to see trespass charges laid against Mr King and the activists, who have publicly acknowledged breaking and entering?
Which got me thinking, which worm will turn next… will Sarah Ulmer realise the error of her ways and turn the tables on McDonalds? Can we expect to see an expose on the Unhappy Meal?
After all, it's a pretty tall order for a top athlete to promote fast food. You can't tell me she achieved Olympic glory on a diet of double cheese burgers.
What about the bevvy of former beauties who for decades have been promoting soaps and oils and skin treatments – who, it turns out, are not young and beautiful after all, but old and wrinkly. We can see Andy McDowell announcing she's given up on hair colour and going grey, because she's decided she's no longer worth it.
Will Dan Carter jump out of his jockeys, admitting he'd be more comfortable slipping into Elle McPherson's boxers?
Maybe Cookie Bear will recant his support for calorie-laden biscuits and instead throw his considerable weight in the direction of Jenny Craig.

Trouble looming
Finally, that notorious gang, Tauranga Spinners & Weavers are at it again. The annual exhibition opens at Baycourt next week. An anonymous note in my mail this week is an attempt to lure me and my friends for a preview. They claim to be innocently gathering for a yarn, but we suspect that's a fabrication. It's more sinister than that. Along with Patchwork Quilters, they've been known to stitch people up and sometimes share needles.
Gang patches may soon be outlawed here, as in Whanghanhui, so these prolific patch proponents may soon find themselves under closer scrutiny from The Law.