We've had a record number (more than 3) of you writing and emailing and sending morse code and carrier pigeons, complaining about the addition of the H to Wanganui.

Okay, so we're exaggerating about the morse code. We all know pigeons can't tell a dit from a dash. But there's so much mail, we've been overwhelmed. And let me say, that overwhelmed has always had an H after its W.
So there's really no other option left, than for RR to deal with this spelling thing once, and thoroughly. And note, that ‘thoroughly' has more than its share of Hs and possibly more Gs than technically necessary.
And ‘technically' has, theoretically, one more H than it could feasibly manage without. ‘Theoretically' and ‘feasibly' however would appear to have a fair and equitable amount of letters and there's nothing superfluous there.
The whole issue is to do with phonetics. And if phonetic was spelt phonetically, it would of course be fonetik. That's quite troubling.
It all stems back to the early days when the white people arrived here and insisted that the Maori language be written down. This had never been done before because, to early Maori, it seemed too much like homework. Good on them.
But some do-goody white person insisted on sounding out the native words and putting them into his culturally-ignorant symbols. The Maori clearly didn't care, they just wanted more muskets, blankets and some axes to cut down the pesky English flag poles as fast as the pesky English could put them up.
So the palefaces wrote the words as best they could.
Surely then, at the time the name Wanganui was phoneticised or whatever the official process is called, it would have been spelt Whanganui if it was sounded as Fanganui?
Now if Whakatane is Fhakatane, why is it not spelt that way?
Same for Fhanganui. Or Phanganui.
Why do we not have a new symbol for the 'F” sounding Maori pronunciation, instead of this 'Wh” business that is causing so much consternation? If ‘F' is not close enough, why not invent something? Whucked if I know.
This was suggested to me by concerned reader Alan, who has spent a lifetime pondering these things, along with the Decimal Time System and how Cadburys put the caramel in Caramello.
Another concerned reader, Hamish reports that following on from W(h)anganui adding the ‘h' someone should add ‘h' to work.
Says Hamish: 'It might be a bit more user friendly then for some of the unemployed to actually do some of it and reduce the country's welfare burden. They would likely be more familiar with the pronunciation too with ‘wh' sounding ‘f'. Whork.”

Air play fair play
And while we are sorting out the nation's race issues, here's another puzzle that another concerned reader phoned about this week.
My Maori friend points out that Maori TV has accused TV3 of racism, after TV3 lampooned Maori TV's bid for rugby world cup games.
He asks: 'Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? The whole concept of Maori TV, by its very existence is surely racist.”
He went on to say that this is a channel devoted entirely to his particular ethnic group. 'If that is not racist, what is?”
He has a point. I don't have a problem with Maori TV. It has some great local programmes. The cooking and hunting shows are brilliant. The humour is all ours. They don't need to blow their budget on rugby buy-offs to make great television.
But let's not kid ourselves here. It is a channel devoted to the benefit and promotion of one culture; hardly in a position to be preaching about concerns for racial fair play.

Just when you thought it was safe…
If you are considering heading out on the water this week, be very careful.
The 16 year old who T-boned a container ship on her last voyage, is heading out there again. Mind you, all credit to her for giving something a go. Motivating the rest of her generation Y (Motto: Y should we?) has proven hopeless. It is inspiring to see a young person getting and doing something, although a world circumnavigation is taking it to extremes.
Not the sort of reply you expect when you tell a teenager to get off their bum and leave the playstation; to have them pack up a yacht and solo sail around the world.

A Clayton's sentence
Finally, Poor Clayton Weatherston is appealing his conviction for stabbing to death his girlfriend.
So the taxpayer may again get to pay for the elaborate, bombastic charade of him grandstanding at our expense.
Wouldn't it be better, if Clayton doesn't want to remain in the protective custody of jail, to be released into the 'care” of the community. I'm sure we could all embrace this fellow and ensure he's given the attention and treatment he deserves.
There are a number of rehabilitation techniques that could be used here, instead of the convicted killer staying in jail at huge cost to law-abiding, tax-paying citizens.
There are a number of employment opportunities which someone such as Weatherston, with a huge, irrevocable debt to society and humanity, could contribute.
Plus some recreational options.
Swimming therapy comes to mind. We spend a fortune on electricity agitating the region's effluent ponds, when in fact this task could be done manually by a bright young man with an energetic freestyle.
The airforce is always keen for someone to tow missile targets at sea.
Kelly Tarlton's need a dental assistant to work in the shark pool.
There's many openings in the power industry, such as light socket tester.
A clever, big mouth multi-tasker such as Clayton could probably manage to test the light sockets while also keeping his feet in the aquarium.
The vehicle safety industry could do with some life-like crash test dummies. Let's start with logging truck versus moped.
Overseas opportunities abound.
There's a constant need for trainee hostage negotiators with the Taleban. They just don't seem to last. They need a talker of Clayton's calibre, with the gift of the gab.
The William Tell Memorial College for Vision-Impaired Archers is always on the lookout for subjects to balance apples on their heads.
And there's is steady demand for participants in the Bosnian reality television show, Hopscotch in the Minefields.