Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Close the doors, light the lights
We're staying home tonight
‘Cos nothing's happening in the bustle
Of the bright city lights

Welcome to the cultural vacuum. A soul-less backwater bereft of enlightenment from the wider entertainment world.

Why? Because touring shows sidestep Tauranga. Either the venues are not adequate or the patronage is historically poor. The Bay sits in the corner, like the ugly girl at the school dance, while all the talent passes us by.

It's no wonder some of us have allegedly turned into opinionated, fat-phobic, bigots feasting on our own excrement (letters, p41).

You'd think that at least those acts appealing to our high percentage of retired folk would make it here. But many great performers have been conspicuously absent from a Baycourt billing.

If it wasn't for the excellent local talent such as the Short Sistars, we'd have gone completely stark raving mad.

We've seen a few brilliant shows in recent times, such as the Hollies at Mills Reef, John Rowles in Baycourt a couple of years ago and the best live concert I've seen for years, Dragon's acoustic tour, at Holy Trinity Church.

This weekend the Omokoroa Boat Club was treated to the Andrew London trio, supported by the local Self Righteous Brothers, and it was a fantastic afternoon. Great venue, really funny and clever act.

These treats however are too far and few between.

Rugby and mallowpuffs

It's not only the performing arts that bypass our fair city.

Our rugby paddock seems to be considered second rate to Rotorua's and the Chiefs are constantly herded into the Waikato.

Sun reporter David Tauranga tackled the issue last week in a story which pointed to a long list of performances that have passed us by. Many of these shows are booked all over NZ, in a dozen different hick towns and lesser cities. Tauranga is close to becoming the fourth largest city in New Zealand, yet is gazumped by tin-pot dumps like Oamaru and even Hamilton. It's not like we are heathens. We have some class. After all, we voted Mallowpuffs in*, and Mr Horan out.

All over, Rover

We missed the bus on some leading NZ acts, such as John Rowles with the Elvis band; and the Topp Twins (we cover all tastes here).

Also missing in action are The Seekers, Billy Connolly, Foreigner, Jimmy Barnes, even the Doctor Who Symphonic Spectacular hasn't programmed The Tardis to materialise here.

And, the greatest insult of all to the older generation of Tauranga, even the Irish Rovers have jigged around us.

Heaven forbid!

However if you like Irish dirges (they all sound the same) and apparently there are plenty of Guinness-addled minds that do, then you would be disappointed if you lived in Tauranga. Again they are going to Wanganui, Napier, Palmerston North, Rotorua and many other major cities but not…NOT Tauranga.

We can cope with large gatherings of petrol heads and footie fans, we can cope with cruise liners (just!)

But we can't cope with the Irish Rovers or any band of moderate interest, apparently because we don't have a venue.

Even Oamaru has 'the Opera House,” Greymouth has a town hall and there is only 10,000 people in the metropolis of the west coast.

But here in Tauranga we are banging on about plastic whacky waka when the cultural fabric of a city is being ignored.

We are wrestling with how long the grass should be on the berms before the parks staff get off their butts.

Let's address the big things, the things that identify a city.

Thumbing noses

Do we need a town hall, or a performing arts centre? Does the ASB Baypark Arena, wonderful for sport, cut the mustard acoustically? Does it matter for the Topp Twins?
Or maybe we need to make more effort to support the few big acts that do come here to Baycourt and other venues. Who knows, perhaps that will encourage more?

Tell us what you think: Do we care that every other NZ centre gets the big acts and the Bay misses out?

Should we thumb our noses at them and celebrate the local talent? Should we bring back the Soundshell?

* Mallowpuffs Original are the Bay's favourite biscuit, according to a poll by Griffins. Hokey Pokey Squiggles took second over Macaroons. And last year the favourite was Toffeepops.