I wandered through the hedge on Sunday, as Labradors are apt to do, and found myself in the Forbidden Zone that is otherwise known as Maureen's next door.
Now I know that any placename containing the words "next door" is strictly out of bounds, just like Dick's fish filleting bench and Barry's compost bin.

But hey, with a nose like mine and some seriously ridiculously large holes in the hedge, what's a poor boy to do?
Besides, there was the wafting aroma of long-expired bonito fish bait circulating the neighbourhood. Someone had to deal with it.
So in my usual 'subtle as a brick” manner, I proceeded to remove the half bonito from the bag on the ground and slink, like a shadow in the night, back through the hedge to my own front lawn to show the boss. Only I suspect it wasn't so shadow-like, but more like a herd of elephants busting through the undergrowth. Because despite my best efforts at stealthiness, everyone in the neighbourhood seemed to know the whole story before I even got my ample rear end back through the pohutukawa thicket.
Now this had three notable chain reaction effects.
1. The boss yelling, "What the hell have you got there?"
2. The neighbour yelling, "Hey Brian your dog has stolen our fish."
3. Ralph the cat saying "Thanks very much, I am the fish specialist around here" and muscling in.
I can cope with outcomes one and two, but that third result was too hard to handle.
I had risked my neck getting through the hedge to procure the fish. It was my reputation on the line. The Chocolate Crusader goes out on a limb; then the cat, who has been asleep all day on the bean bag, gets the bounty. Why should I be dragged off to the kennel, ticked off for venturing into forbidden territory (like Capt Pete Bethune) and then the mangy cat left to savour the delights of a three-day old fish carcass? Oh, the injustice.
Fortunately, it was right on dinner time and I was distracted by the creaky hinge of the pantry door and the aroma of a freshly opened bag of my favourite 'adult maintenance diet, sensitive skin” formula dog tucker.
Now you good readers out there don't need to risk the wrath of the neighbourhood to get a good feed of fish. There's plenty swimming around there in the Bay. If that's not a convenient option, check out John boy's selection of delicacies at the Aussie Butcher.

'Farfalle'

With lamb sausage, feta and mint
Ingredients
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 Tbsp olive oil
500g fresh lamb mint sausages, cut into 1-inch pieces
2x 400ml cans chopped tomatoes
1x 400ml can tomato sauce
Salt and pepper, to taste
300g dried farfalle pasta
3 Tbsp crumbled feta cheese
2 Tbsp chopped fresh mint

Method
In a medium saucepan, sauté onion and garlic in the olive oil. Add sausage pieces and brown them, breaking up the pieces slightly. Add tomatoes and tomato sauce and simmer on very low heat for one hour, stirring occasionally. Season with salt and pepper.
Cook pasta in boiling salted water according to package directions. Drain pasta thoroughly and toss with half of the sauce. Top each portion with additional sauce, crumbled feta and mint. Serves four.