Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Concerned that many tourists arriving in New Zealand are overweight and a health danger to themselves, RR is urging vigilante Kiwis to confiscate their lunches. It's for their own good.

We'd like to see New Zealanders take matters into their own hands to help fat foreigners save themselves from themselves.

You never know when one them might die of obesity, choke on a bun, roll off a cliff or accidentally sit on one of their offspring, so we are urging all well-meaning NZers to become voluntary Lunch Safety Wardens.

Don't let that poor tourist succumb to temptation in the pie shop. Aid that holidaymaker picnicking in the park by quarantining their quiche and quinoa.

Dose of daily Rabbit

RR has been dragged kicking and screaming into the digital age, with Rogers Rabbits now on Facebook. Check out the page and click ‘like' to get more Rabbit in your week. There will be new stuff up there most days, plus out-takes and bits that my wife won't let me put in the paper. It's The Rabbit almost uncensored…and you get to comment too.

Backward boaters

There's been quite a fuss this week about naughty schoolboy rowers who got turfed out of the team for gooning at the airport. Then their daddies went to court and got the poor wee things reinstated in the team.

There's been a lot of commentary all week about the rights and wrongs of the school not being able to discipline bad behaviour and whether parents should be able to cane the school through the court.

Some are even asking where is the self-respect? Well as a kayaker, I really have to question, did they ever have any? Anyone who sits backward in a boat watching where they've been, clearly doesn't have any self-respect and certainly no foresight. And all rowers are navigation hazards – not keeping a proper lookout.

Perhaps they need to turn their life around, by turning their bums around and facing frontwards. Just sayin'. (Backward boater backlash invited: ‘like' Rogers Rabbits, now on Facebook).

My Everest

Just completed my Everest Challenge…on social media I've achieved at least 38 friends climbing the Mount at least 38 times in 38 days. Took a lot out of me, depleted a fair bit of my day reading about it, but the satisfaction is immense.

Selfless commitment

Big story this week, a real scoop: ice cream truck breaks down.

Did they warn other motorists by putting cones out on the road?

Will it cost hundreds and thousands to repair?

Turns out, it was a stunt by Tip Top to promote a new product. They gave away 1500 ice creams with the story that the truck had broken down and therefore the product needed to be given away before it melted. Such personal sacrifice, those voluntary Trumpet eaters displayed.

Reminds me of the day a beer truck crashed near the Waikareao causeway. There was a huge turnout of volunteers to help clean up the mess. Hey, it's the Kiwi way. Always keen to lend a hand…

Romeo muscles in

‘Roger' has always been the accepted acknowledgement, in radio communications.
Everyone knows that ‘Roger' means message received and accepted.

Affirmative, if you want to be really pedantic. But there's a new interloper on the scene. Romeo. For some inexplicable reason, some agencies have been tending to use Romeo instead of Roger. Some PC do gooder namby pamby communications boffins have allowed the phonetic ‘R' imposter to sneak in the back door of the radio room.

This has got Roger pretty hot under the collar. There's no room for Romeo to muscle in, on radio acknowledgements. He should stick to poncing about in tights chasing Juliet and leave the real radio work to the experienced and accepted Roger Original. Roger that.

Joke of the week

A magician works on a cruise ship. The audience is different each week so he does the same tricks.

The problem is, the captain's parrot sees all the shows and figures out every trick.
He shouts in the middle of the show: ‘Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'

The magician is furious but, as it's the captain's parrot, he can do nothing. Then one day the ship sinks and the magician is floating on wreckage with the parrot.

They glare at each other but say nothing.

Finally, after a week, the parrot says: ‘Okay, I give up. Where' the boat?'


brian@thesun.co.nz