Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits sunlive.co.nz

You'll all be pleased to hear Buckingham Palace has announced new rules for the title ‘The Right Honourable' in New Zealand. I know this has been of great concern to many of you for some time now.

The Queen has given approval for those appointed to the offices of Governor-General, Prime Minister, Speaker and Chief Justice to be granted the title ‘The Right Honourable' for life.
Of course it wasn't long after this that Paul Henry announced his suggested title for the Governor General, along the lines of, ‘Right Foreign, if you ask me'.
(Check out some of the responses to this issue and last week's RR in today's letters pages.)
This palace announcement raises the question – which other titles should be granted?
We see a possible conflict between charity rip-off merchant Awatere-Huata and convicted paedophile Graham Capill for the coveted title of ‘The Right Dishonourable'.
Here at RR headquarters, we're taking the titles a few steps further and can think of a number of recipients for the title of ‘Right Plonker'.
We think Her Majesty will be chuffed to hear we've recommended her husband for ‘The Right Royal Boofhead'.
Other titles up for grabs, for which you are invited to attach names, include:
‘The Right Annoying Little Turd'.
‘The Right Wally'.
The title ‘Right Whale' is already taken; although Gerry Brownlee took a shine to it.
Our top military personnel are vying for the title of ‘The Right Left Right'.
In the entertainment scene, there a couple of new ones, for Kiwi musicians:
‘Right First Time', and the internationally-recognised title: ‘Right, Right, You're Bloody Well Right'.
Surely the Right Honourable doesn't apply to the left wing? Would Helen Clark be more comfortable with the title ‘The Left Honourable'? Or since she's taken off to a cushy faraway job with the UN, perhaps it should be noted that she's just simply ‘Left' and be grateful for that.
To cover for anyone who didn't get a title but thought they should, we've developed the honorific: ‘The Left Right Out'.

Not the real news
In other news, the ‘Right Irreverent' parody column in SunLive, ‘Not The News' has been causing quite a stir in recent weeks.
The satirical look at current events has this week stirred up McDonalds, who didn't see the funny side of a ‘Not The News' item which took the McMickey out of their ‘safety' programme with the police.
The story made a (happy) meal of McCops dispensing fast food vouchers to drivers.
A McDonalds spokesman said they were concerned that the story, by Cliff Edge, ‘might be taken seriously'. You have to be McJoking!
Hands up anyone who thinks that ‘Not The News' might actually be The News! Or that a Mr and Mrs Edge somewhere would really have been cruel enough to call their child Clifford, considering the surname.
Anyway, get your fill of nonsense and satire at SunLive's ‘Not The News'. It's easy to find, scroll down to the left lower corner of the SunLive.co.nz homepage. Archived stories are listed too, so you can catch up on previous satirical ramblings by Mr Edge and the team; including our perceptive South Pacific correspondent, Apis Tayka and the lovely Mel Function.
Just remember, as the title gives a wee clue, the NTN column tells mostly whoppers – and we're not talking about burgers.