Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

A new gaming sensation has been created in Omokoroa. Unlike Pokemon Go, POTHOLE GO does not require an App download, your car is already programmed for this exciting new game, and your taxes have already paid for it. Simply jump in your car anywhere in Omokoroa and you are good to go.


Game inventor Kevin Molloy tells us the objective is to reach State Highway 2 with your vehicle intact.

'Points are removed from your predetermined estimate of repair costs to your vehicle. For example, blown tyre nets 20 points; wheel alignment 15 points; shock absorber replacement 50 points etc.

'Anyone reaching SH2 with the vehicle still drive able is deemed grand master and
should turn right toward Katikati,” says Kevin.

Here, a new and even more challenging course has been carefully designed for the more discerning gamer. He reckons the potholes incorporated in the new overtaking lane offer breathtaking, adrenlin-pumping excitement!

'Strategically placed POTHOLE GO targets stretch for almost a kilometre offering unlimited chances for vehicle damage and avoidance skills in both directions!

'To their credit, the contractors have installed a special shredding device along the lanes so that panel and paint damage can be deducted from your scoreline when vehicle bounces from the desired destination.

'Special features to watch for are road cones haphazardly placed to disorientate gamers, and speed restriction signs with moss growing on them where there is no evidence of activity.

'Anyone completing this section with credits left on their damage estimate qualifies for a draw for guessing the budget overrun for this special POTHOLE GO stage and ongoing costs to keep it operative.”

Taped, tied, died

News coming out of Alabama: A 68-year-old mobile homeowner caught a burglar, tied and taped him to a tree, where he died.

Nathaniel Johnson was tired of being burgled, so lay in wait for the culprit, Mr Cleveland Gully. The old man wrestled Mr Gully to the ground, bound and gagged him with duct tape and electrical wire and tied the burglar upright to a tree.

Nathaniel is reported to have then gone to a neighbour to call Police. In the meantime the 31-year-old intruder expired.

The story is notable. Firstly, because someone died in the United States other than by shooting. Secondly, it supports our view that the world needs more trees, duct tape, and guys like Nathaniel.

More PC madness

A primary school in Australia has banned clapping. Instead, pupils are expected to display approval by 'silent cheering” and 'wriggling about” because the school believes that is more acceptable to noise sensitive pupils.

I kid you not. Elanora Heights Public School – the name alone is cause for concern – is re-ported to have assemblies of pupils 'pulling excited faces” or punching the air.

The latest scourge of political correctness inflicted on Aussie learning establishments adds to a growing list of nonsense, including a ban on hugging, Christmas carols, celebration of Australia Day and outlawing of ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep'.

You'd think schools would have more useful things to teach their students. Such as how to gag a burglar and bind him to a tree till he expires.

Playing with fire

It's no wonder, then, that today's PC-plagued children are breaking out in their teen years, trying to find to something exciting to do. All those years of suppressed affection from lack of hugging and suppressed emotion from not cheering and clapping…they're losing the plot.

And playing with fire. The Fire Service is rightly concerned at the latest fad amongst some teenagers: setting fire to themselves.

And you thought planking was silly?

Now they're spraying flammable liquid over themselves, self-igniting and sharing the pain on video. Cans of deodorant have become lethal weapons in this bizarre pastime.

'What the kids don't see in those videos is that at some point, it does damage. People just don't walk away from it,” according to a Christchurch fire officer Shane O'Brien.

The Stuff report says the deodorant is also being inhaled, then a cigarette lit. Fire officers are working on stopping the habit and stopping youths from going on to more threatening fire-lighting antics.

Shame that streaking went out of vogue. It might have been colder than setting oneself on fire. But ultimately the worst you'd get would be goosebumps; not scarred for life.

Parting thought:

With the US presidential race becoming more bizarre by the minute, astute reader Mike makes a valid comment about Mr Trump's plan to wall off Mexico:

'Who says building a border wall won't work? Historical fact: The Chinese built one more than 2000 years ago, and they still don't have any Mexicans.”

brian@thesun.co.nz

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