Daniel Hutchinson From The Hutch

We've heard a lot of stories about Coronavirus lately, or Covid-19 as its now affectionately called.

Like most people, I take the ‘it's-not-all-over-the-place-here-yet-and-hopefully-we'll-have-a-vaccine-before-it-is' attitude.

Nobody likes the flu and this seems like a particularly bad version. No doubt this year's winter flu shots won't cover you for Covid-19, but here's hoping.

The main effect in NZ has been to make it very hard for builders to get hold of particle masks. This might not seem like a big deal to the average person, but trust me, if you work in a dusty environment, it's a big deal.

What has captured the imagination is the hundreds of people who were stuck on the Diamond Princess cruise ship in Japan, under quarantine.

Now, I guess if you had to be quarantined somewhere, a luxury cruise liner would be a good option.

However, the novelty would start wearing off pretty quickly and once you had worked your way through the various buffets, and seen every show you would be looking around for ways to amuse yourself.

There's only so many times you can watch aerial silk dancing. Sitting in the casino for two weeks straight is a good way to go bankrupt.

I just pray to God that there is plenty of booze on that ship. Those people who splashed out for the all-you-can-eat, all-inclusive cabins, would be laughing all the way to the hospital now.

But even the big pool would lose its novelty after a while. You never know what's floating around in there at the best of times, let alone with a ship full of virus. You'd basically be sitting in a petri dish full of warm water. Don't even think about the spa.

The on-board fitness centre would just seem ironic to me and I don't think I'd feel comfortable sharing a thigh master with the other passengers, under the circumstances.

Basically you have a village full of people putting masks on and trying to avoid each other. And that's before the quarantine!

To make it all the more bearable for people we have come up with a few suggestions on how to while away the hours when quarantined on a cruise ship.

Golf

Driving golf balls off the top deck into downtown Yokohama would be amusing for a while and would probably result in the whole ship being sent packing. At least you would get to continue on a proper cruise, rather than being stuck in one place.

Monopoly. This could be played with face masks instead of money to really up the stakes.

That's pretty much all we could think of sorry. Poor buggers. Read a book maybe.

Bayfair

I got to try out the new pedestrian traffic lights at the Bayfair Roundabout the other day – not as a pedestrian but as a motorist.

My attitude to waiting in traffic is pretty much the same as one of those newer cars where the motor turns off when you stop. My face goes blank and all thoughts cease in an attempt to stop the ageing process and not lose any more of my life than I have to.

However, something interesting happened just before I slipped into this fugue state. The pedestrian – which was actually a cyclist in this case - didn't even have to press the button. There was a guy in a hi-viz vest who got up from his chair to do the honours.

Now in Dunedin they have a concierge at the Municiple Lane public toilets. That is a weird and unexpected treat, to be greeted as you enter the facilities. I believe you can even store your bags there for $1.

This seemed similar to me – someone who stops traffic on your behalf. A nice touch. Watch this space, we will endeavour to get to the bottom of this.

Lotto

Ah, I just thought of one other thing you could do to pass the time on your cruise ship. Imagine what you could do with the $35 million Lotto jackpot this weekend.

That's a shed load of money but it's always worth musing over how you could spend this.

My wife hates playing this game with me. I tend to invest the lump sum and manipulate the compounding interest to ensure a steady but substantial income. Not very romantic apparently, but I assure you, this will allow you to maximise your wealth and, if you are so inclined, maximise the joy you can spread with others.

I mean, why pay off the mortgage if you are only paying three per cent interest and you can get seven per cent in a managed portfolio on the share market.

Ah, the permutations are delicious!

Anyway, good luck for the upcoming week – don't catch any viruses and leave the face masks for those who need them.

daniel@thesun.co.nz