Daniel Hutchinson From The Hutch

The events industry has taken a hammering over the past few months. Nothing to do and nowhere to do it.

I can almost hear the impatient shuffling of our youths and bohemian types as they anxiously await the green light, to be free of the last of the social shackles.

The minute our Commander in Teeth smiles and gives us the go-ahead, the great music halls and laser-lit drinking establishments of the Bay of Plenty will fill with throngs of gyrating bodies.

Casual encounters, previously thwarted by two metres of separation, will spring up in the shadows of our CBD's and in badly furnished flats all over Tauranga and the Mount.

The partying and the debauchery will prompt equally as fervent prayer sessions in churches packed so tight, there won't even be room for the trombone.

None of this affects me of course – I'm married and I have no rhythm. In fact, even the tightest of lockdown restrictions had virtually no effect on my social life.

But I do have empathy and I think that as people start rubbing shoulders again – maybe as early as next week – they should spare a thought for those countries that are still suffering under enforced celibacy.

Kicking us where it hurts

The list of major events around the world that are simply not going to happen in 2020, or which have been optimistically postponed, makes for sorry reading.

There are the big ones of course, like the Olympics in Tokyo, Oktoberfest in Germany and the Running of the Bulls in Spain.

But the list of smaller, more obscure events, is so long it makes the eyes water.

‘Testicle Festival on hold' screams the headline in Lenawee County's local newspaper, the Daily Post.

The Deerfield American Legion was set to host this popular annual event on May 9, but sadly it has been tucked away for now.

In the heart of Michigan cattle country, the festival unites a community over deep-fried cattle testicles, chicken gizzards and beer.

Not everyone's cup of tea but I guess it depends how you were raised.

In the UK – the home of weird events – the cancellations makes you wonder how we will ever be human again.

The Hallaton Bottle Kicking Contest has been canned. This event sees two neighbouring communities race to roll kegs back over the hills to their respective villages.

Even the UK's biggest naturist festival – predictably named Nude Fest – has been moved from balmy July to a more goose bump-inducing September. Brrrrrrr.

And the list goes on – the Shin Kicking Festival, the Worm Charming Championships and then there is the ‘devastating' decision to cancel the World Egg Throwing Championships in Lincolnshire, set down for June 28.

Practise makes perfect

But at least we can wipe away our own tears and hopefully start enjoying ourselves next weekend.

Remember, fun doesn't just happen – they don't call it funny business for nothing.

It takes a lot of effort and a lot of dollars to make people socialise.

So, as our besieged entertainment industry gets its dancing shoes on, it's up to everyone to be working on their dance moves and small talk. Try turning the boom box up really loud at home, while simultaneously holding a conversation with your flatmates.

Practise, practise, practise.

And for God's sake, do your stretches before you head out. The survival of the human race depends on it.

It's not all about loud music and partying though. There are events for grown-ups too.

For example Bay Events has just announced that two of its big exhibitions, the Tauranga Home Show and the Seriously Good Food Show, have been rescheduled for September and October.

Yee-haw!

Nothing is more exciting than a well-dressed interior décor so you can bet I will be limbering up for at least one of those parties.

It's just not cricket

The other thing that is sure to put a smile on the dial is the return of large sporting events – and, importantly, the crowds.

Easily the most eerie sporting event in recent times was the spectacle of watching Australia play New Zealand in an ODI cricket match just before lockdown, in a giant, silent, empty stadium.

The Sydney Cricket Ground usually holds almost 50,000 spectators for big matches and that atmosphere is a huge part of any match – even for those watching on TV at home.

To counter this lack of atmosphere, the National Rugby League competition which has just resumed, and of which the NZ Warriors are a part, is offering fans the chance to have a cardboard cut-out of themselves placed in the otherwise empty stands. Canned crowd noise is piped into the live coverage to assist with the atmosphere.

People are clearly missing that essential human need to gather together and, fingers crossed, that happens sooner rather than later.

daniel@thesun.co.nz