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Daniel Hutchinson From The Hutch |
Nobody should have to go through that.Yes, I'm talking about the Meghan and Harry interview this week and I did go through it - all 82 minutes of it, plus ads.
I did this for you. Someone had to sit through it to make sure the Western Bay of Plenty was clear of any allegations.
Fortunately, we are not part of the 'Institution” and there is no obvious link to the whole flower girl dresses thing that drove a wedge between Kate and Meghan.
I'm not sure if this is what the argument was about, but I think if you are going to go plain white on the dresses, then perhaps the flowers could have had a splash more colour in them. Just saying.
I almost cried tears of anger when I heard that Archie's colour might be an issue, even before he was born. I don't see it matters one iota how ginger he might be?
Frankly, if that ghastly gingerphobe puts one foot in Scotland they are in trouble.
Then there was the whole media circus thing that is very stressful for royals and other famous people.
A royal in Blenheim
I've actually got a confession here - I once paparazzied a member of the royal family.
It was Harry's brother William, who visited during the British and Irish Lions tour of 2005. I was ordered by my superiors at The Press to stake out Blenheim Airport.
Sure enough, William finished his whale watching trip or wine watching or whatever it was and was ushered onboard a small executive aircraft. I got an extremely blurry photo as his face appeared briefly in the gloom beneath the wing.
I felt dirty afterwards - like an assassin. The photo never actually got used, as there were too many high quality photos of him actually doing something interesting.
Fair enough, the most exciting thing about Blenheim Airport is the old Argosy parked across the road. The claim to fame is that its two pilots saw what they believed to be a UFO over Kaikoura in 1978.
Avocado bashing
However, I did get an appreciation of the madness of royal life. Even at this innocuous event there were about 20 other photographers lined up. For some, it was their life's work to simply follow one man around the world and photograph his every move.
And in Meghan's case, this insatiable appetite for royal news has also dragged the very heart and soul of the Western Bay into its slathering maw.
Avocados – yes, you heard it here first folks. Meghan somehow managed to become a victim of avocado bashing.
Her crime? Well, she ate one.
I'm not sure if it was one of our avocados, but this is how this act of avocado on toast was reported in the Express British tabloid in 2019:
'The pregnant Duchess of Sussex and so-called ‘avocado on toast whisperer' is wolfing down a fruit linked to water shortages, illegal deforestation and all round general environmental devastation.”
The same paper ran a story about Kate and an avocado in 2017, and this was the introduction to that story:
'Prince William was given one of the green fruit – wrapped up in a bow – by a little boy whose mother is suffering during her pregnancy too... He said he'd take it to [Kate] and see what happens – and said good luck for [the boy's] mummy.”
Case closed
Now, up until this point I was not sure which side to take. After all, we were only getting one side of the story plus some surprised expressions and big eyes from Oprah.
She actually thanks Meghan for the invitation to her wedding at the start of this less-than-probing interview.
However, attacking someone for eating avocado on toast is just low down and dirty as far as I'm concerned.
So, the case is closed. Meghan is a victim of avocado bashing at the very least. Let's hope the invisible forces of the evil institution don't get any closer than that to our peaceful place.
While we are talking about America and rich people arguing with each other, it's time to talk about the America's Cup.
The USA doesn't actually feature in this event - only us and the Italians - but it's another specialist subject that I have put considerable thought into, albeit with no actual sailing experience whatsoever.
I did once go on an overnight fishing trip on a yacht, but we never got to the point of actually raising the sail.
Anyway, I'll take one for the team and will keep an eye on the racing over the next few days on your behalf.
It's the least I can do.
daniel@thesun.co.nz