Debra Jager Home Instead Senior Care

I am the main carer for my parents. Both my sister and brothers live out of town or overseas. I take Mum and Dad to all their appointments, do three to four meals a week, their shopping and just generally check on them and their medications. I love my parents and none of this is a hardship, though I must say when one of my siblings comes to town and criticises my ‘lack of attendance', queries if Mum and Dad should be at home and then has my mother singing their praises, well, I get a bit ruffled. I am just concerned that at some point we will have a large disagreement and things go horribly wrong due to my reaction to their lack of insight and sensitivity. Do you have any recommendations for me?

First, can I assure you, though I am sure you already are aware, this is very common. In fact 43 per cent of those caring for their parents (usually this is one sibling) say their sibling relationships have deteriorated since they took the role as main carer. (NB 42 per cent of most family care is conducted by one sibling).

Family caregiving can be very stressful. Home Instead actually has conducted research on this as we regularly see it and wanted to be able to provide meaningful solutions or at least highlight key areas to be aware of. We have produced a booklet to help families put strategies in place before disagreement occurs, along with some other useful tools. The programme is called 50/50 and provides some key points on how to be prepared for an event before it occurs, (such as an illness, monetary issues, and general stress). It is fundamental for families to set down, plan and be prepared for what the future might hold and how they should respond as a united unit.

The journey will be much smoother and allow families to grow even stronger if they are able to have one of two key coping mechanisms in place before an event occurs. For more information, refer to our website: www.homeinstead.co.nz or phone 07 571 4228 to ask for more information. Another useful site is our international site: www.solvingfamilyconflict.com