Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Big news this week: Researchers have discovered that men actually are better multi-taskers than women.

It is unclear whether the research was done by men or women, and what else they were doing at the time, if anything.

However the news has been a bombshell in our household, as now the blokes' cover is blown. All these years the men of the household have managed to happily amble along in life, pursuing single objectives and completing them in an orderly fashion, safe in the knowledge that no one expects them to handle any more than one thing at a time.

Now, because of some meddling researchers, men's quality of life everywhere is under threat.

It has come during a particularly complicated week. First, we've had our lovely English relatives staying. Daughter, her GB team triathlete partner and their wonderful baby. Aren't they marvellous? It's been a very interesting time, with the household adjusting to special food requirements, sleep times and the peculiar routines.

Over the weeks we've witnessed some fascinating transitions, seeing the glow of satisfaction on that quizzical little face every time it achieves another little feat of human persistence. Sometimes they'll fail, and yes, that is all part of the learning process. To see them bounce right back and try again is rewarding.

We will miss the bandy-legged character getting about in that cute little jumpsuit. But that's enough about the triathlete. The baby has been quite entertaining, too.

Granz and Gramps have been busy minding the baby and, despite my newly disclosed multi-tasking ability, found it nearly impossible to get anything done around the house.

A week to end all weeks

Secondly, it has been Wife's Birthday Preparation Week. The observation of this event may vary in the time of year but the importance of getting it right remains paramount.

Shopping for this major event of the year requires serious multi-tasking. It requires thinking, walking and prising open the wallet at the same time.

Birthday presents are a peculiar thing. Books are always a good bet. At least people think that those in the media who read a lot, must like books. That's not always the case. Sometimes when you've been reading all day and half the night, the last thing you should give a newspaper person is more reading. Some lap it up. Others are just completely zoned out on reading.

Personally I can't finish many books. Attention span too short. Get halfway through and then… can't even remember how this sentence was going to end.

Giving a journalist a book could be the worst present idea ever. No, hang on, the second worst. The worst would probably be a do-it-yourself home essay kitset… the one thing worse than more reading would be more writing.

Anyway, that's not important right now.

I did find my beloved a nice book. I asked the lovely shop assistant if she would please gift wrap it. She obliged, but said she didn't do bows. I said that didn't matter. A bow would make it look like I'd asked a shop lady to wrap it, instead of doing it myself. She then proceeded to wrap the book extremely neatly. I said my wife would be able to tell that I hadn't wrapped it, and could she wrap it a bit less neatly. She said she couldn't.

I'm not sure why you needed to know that.

Meanwhile ... Let's get back on the multi-tasking. There have been some excellent multi-taskers in recent times.

The Ridges recently proved it possible to be naff and unpopular at the same time.

Jimmy Saville, it turns out, was a great multi-tasker. While busy being a celebrity host, he was also able to do a lot of things with his hands.

There have been some rubbish multi-taskers, too.
The Rena captain and navigator would appear to have both failed multi-tasking 101. In fact, we wonder if they have yet passed Single Tasking 101. The one thing a ship driver needs to do, is keep the ship in the wet stuff and away from the hard stuff. Epic fail.

Horsin' around

Meanwhile, we see that the poor old National Bank horse is out to pasture. A merger means the black horse will no longer strut across our screens. It was annoying, from the perspective of a fee-paying customer, to learn the horse was treated to thousands of dollars worth of hair extensions to its mane and tail, for that TV advertisement. The bank never extends much my way. False advertising? Perhaps.

On one occasion I was phoning to try to get an appointment to start a business. It took three days. Not just to get an appointment, but for the racist, sexist old biddy appointed 'my” manager to actually call back. I had to wait more than a week for an appointment. Clearly multi-tasking is not their strong point. In fact I've always found the service to have been pretty average. If I hadn't switched to the BNZ I'd probably still be waiting for a callback to start a publishing business. This week we put the National Bank's TV advert to the test. I stopped outside with my dog, waiting for a friendly young lady staffer to come out and greet us. Just like in the advertisment. Alas, it did not happen. Maybe we needed more dogs?

Sadly, life doesn't always imitate the dark arts of advertising. Photo by Ross Brown.

Ironically, several nice women with ANZ badges on their ample lapels, returning from lunch, chuckled to us that 'we should be coming out to greet you”.

'Yes,” we replied. 'That's what we're waiting for.” And they went back inside. Still didn't get the hint! Disillusioned again with the bank's false advertising, we walked back to the office.

Ironically, on passing the BNZ, Marie spotted us and came out for a chat. Now which bank is the friendly one?
And the dog barked, growled and wagged at the piggy sign. Now that is clever multi-tasking.