Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

An exciting week in the Bay of Plenty. It didn't start out that way. My extensive electronic calendar noted, in order of national importance, that I was expected to put out the recycling on Wednesday and flea the dog on Friday.

There was a bit of time available on Thursday, should any last-minute vital commitments pop up. Such as getting a perm.

I wonder if John Key's diary is that full. He might be the Prime Minister and have to choose his language carefully when describing the particular fashion attributes of others, but I bet he doesn't have to deal with the wrath of a frustrated Labrador if, by some terrible malfunction in Microsoft Outlook, the dog flea treatment ends up a week late.

John Ansell visited to talk about racism in New Zealand and some protesters turned up to tell him they are quite happy with the racism we have here and that he should go away.

Fashion dilemma

My greatest concern about attending this important meeting, while the future of race relations in this country hangs in the balance, was deciding what to wear. My black outfit was in the wash, so I decided I should wear the white outfit. But somehow, it just didn't feel right. I'm not sure the pointy hat with the eye holes cut in it would get through the low front doors of the hotel.

So I decided not to go. Which turned out to be a good decision, as the protesting didn't turn out to be particularly dramatic and it was a good night on television.

Bleating masses

The RR column from last week elicited a large amount of bleating from a small amount of complainers. Basically, from a lot of long-winded name calling, we have deduced that:

A. They don't want to be called gay.
B. They do want to be called gay.
C. No one else wants to be called gay. Not even Gay.(See the letter from Gaye in this edition)

The episode reinforced (not that it was necessary) that I am extremely pleased to be a heterosexual carnivorous taxpayer, as I have seen the homosexual, vegetarian beneficiaries, and they are an angry and confused bunch.

TGIF

Anyway, welcome to Friday. Today we are celebrating World Prematurity Day. It's actually, tomorrow, Saturday, but in keeping with the theme, we thought we'd do it early.

It's also National Kiss A Columnist Day. Actually, that is every day. Share the love. We work hard behind the scenes and a little appreciation wouldn't go amiss.

It's a miracle this column made it to print this week. It certainly isn't suffering from any premature issues, in fact has been running behind schedule all week.

I was struggling for motivation, after last week's epistle, but any shred of interest was dashed when I spotted on page 10 that Mitre 10 Mega have a tool sale on.

Being a male incapable of multi-tasking, despite news to the contrary a couple of weeks ago, I find it impossible to write columns while at the same time hyperventilating. Mitre 10 should really take more care when they advertise incredible tool specials, that we should be warned to sit down or at least do some controlled breathing exercises before reading.
So you have been warned. DON'T TURN TO PAGE 10 unless you're sure your metabolism can handle it.

In the meantime, here's some other news from the week which might be a calming influence.

Eclipsed by anonymity

This week we witnessed a rare eclipse of the sun by the moon.
It's not the only thing eclipsed. It seems a lot of local voters are in the dark when it comes to knowing the people who make decisions for them. About a year ago, our newsroom canvassed random people on the street to see how many good folk on the streets of the Bay recognised our local councillors.

We suspected that many of the faces making important decisions on your behalf were not connecting well with the community.
We were shocked to discover that, apart from a few recognising the mayor, hardly anyone knew the rest of the crew.

Hard questions

This week we asked the same questions. The answers were similar.
It seems our city councillors haven't made much impression on the locals!

A few picked out the mayor and one chap did well to find Mitt Romney in the line-up. Check out a few clips from our street poll, on SunLive.

Parting thought

Finally, a parting thought from Wally:
Viagra is now available in powder form to put into your tea, it does not enhance your performance but it stops your biscuits from going soft.