Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

We have all the news that is breaking, and some that was already broken before we found it. Can we fix it? No, but we can make it worse. Or expel it.

An interesting press release arrived from Seafood NZ this week, about Fish of the Month, king salmon. The sender's name: Krystal Guppy.

We also received news of 'groundbreaking research” from the good people at CCS. They report: 'New Zealanders with significant disabilities are falling through the cracks and in too many cases are being treated as second class citizens, according to groundbreaking new research.”

RR can see how this happened. The people must have become disabled, due to falling through the cracks – probably caused by the ground breaking.

A call from a telephone canvasser this week asked if the lady of the house was available. I said she was hanging around somewhere, probably upside down in the belfry. The caller hung up.

We've had a landslide of feedback from last week's RR on the subject of the Hobbit. Mostly from those of you who are equally fed up with it all. We will be bringing you some more Hobbit disposal schemes soon, including a range of recipes in our forthcoming cookbook, Hobbit on the Hob. But in the meantime, we've had some right royal intervention which needs heiring.

Let's clear the heir

Kate, the future king's missus, is apparently 'expecting” another heir to the throne, and she's reported to be horribly ill with morning sickness. It is similar to what Charles gets when he wakes up in the mornings, rolls over and sees what's next to him.

Severe morning sickness can apparently be linked to multiple births. Which raises an interesting question... RR researchers are concerned that, should Kate have twins, how will the Royal Family decide which of them becomes the heir? The first one out? What if they're delivered by caesarean and it's not clear who was born first? And, does the second one become the next heir, bumping all the rest down the order? Or does the second child from a subsequent pregnancy take precedence on the list over the second twin?

If they are both boys, named William after their father but one is nick-named 'The First”, (because he was born first) then if he eventually becomes king, will be called William the First the Sixth? And if his dad makes him go on a road trip to Scotland, would he become William the First the Sixth going forth with the Fifth near Fife forced first over the Firth of Forth?

But that's probably not important right now.
Here's a very interesting but not very useful piece of information:

Hours prior to his wedding, Prince William was created Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus of County Antrim, Northern Ireland.
I'm not sure why you needed to know that, but pay attention. You may be tested on all this later.

Here at RR headquarters, we cannot fathom why Charles would not want to be crowned King Charles, unless, of course, he's trying to avoid someone or something. Camilla? Gambling debts?

Thanks Monty

Now, I can tell you, being named Brian has always has its handicaps, no thanks to Monty Python, and a relentless stream of television ad writers taking the mickey. It's never occurred that I could change my name for the sake of it.

And if anyone's name was going to have the mickey taken, you'd think it would be Mick, right? But no, Brian seems to be the most piss-taken name in history. There was a dopey Neil on the Young Ones, but it pales compared to the ridicule heaped on the Brians of the world. If there's a loser on TV, it's Brian. Not Jake, or Butch or Brendan. Okay, so maybe Brendan has taken a bit of hammering this week. But still not as picked-on as Brian.

On the illustrious Baby Names website, Brian rates zero out of five. I must ask Dad if he'd mind me switching to Mick the Second, although there could be a tussle with nephew Michael for that title. Someone is going to end up Mick III, which is slightly slower than Mach III. Anyway, in the end it doesn't matter what we are called, as long as it's not late for breakfast.

Because if William becomes king and decides to call himself William, he would be William V. But he doesn't have to use William. His father Charles has stated that he will be George VII. His great-grandfather Albert ruled as George VI.

Wills could, if he wished, use one of his other three names (Philip, Arthur, or Louis). However, there haven't been any real English or British kings who reigned with those names; William would be the first. He could make it trendy, with a new-age spelling, like Lou!s or ‘Philip The Phirst.' Or ‘Art, The Artist Formerly Known as Wills.'

Meanwhile, we're waiting for the day that his grandpop, Prince Phillip, is bestowed an extra title: Lord Knowswhat-Hewillsaynext.

Drop those gems into the next conversation with a telephone canvasser and see where it gets you.

Parting thoughts

Petrobras drops out of East Cape and Petra Bagust drops out of Breakfast TV. Now all we need is Petrol Prices to drop and everyone will be happy.

Tony writes: Given the current US military woes with the philandering of high-ranking officers, then the quote below is very appropriate:

'Too many generals are taking orders from their privates!”