Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

The world has taken another nasty turn, with bombings, threats of missiles and episodes of extreme bad taste. Such as, lowlifes celebrating the death of a former British Prime Minister.

No matter how bad anyone thinks a PM could have been, in a democratically elected Government, there is no excuse for the poor taste of celebrating and protesting at someone's funeral.

It really shows how detached these people must be from any sense of ethics or morals. Maybe it's the sort of behaviour you'd expect after a dictatorship falls. Maybe it's how North Koreans might react after they find out how they've been kept in the dark and fed propaganda for generations. But it's not the sort of reasoned thinking to come from a civilised nation were MPs are elected by the majority.

And about that youngster in North Korea with his chubby finger poised over the Big Red Button – as one of our astute letter writers points out this week, that nation is so blinkered from the rest of the world, they have no idea how out of whack their country is.

North Korea is making threats of war against the South, the USA, Japan, The Simpsons, Barney, JR Ewing, the chicken that started the latest avian flu outbreak, and the person who left the top off the toothpaste.

Those targets need not be concerned. Anything we've seen stamped ‘Made in Korea' generally under-performs.

The worst that is likely to happen: the missile will fail just after launch, a wing will fall off, the hinges break and the lid will crack, it will blow the fuse box and leave a little stain on the mat.

The walls have ears. I know this, because I played footie with a couple of the ‘Wall boys' and they definitely had ears. Large sticky-out ones, that did not fare well in scrums.

The other reason we know this: The GCSB is listening. In the interests of column security, we therefore need to communicate in special code.

I am writing this while executing the secret signal – which is why some of the letters in the words may be scrambled or missing. It's not a coded language – it's just really hard to type fast while tapping two fingers on the left side of the nose, at the same time winking and nodding, while putting your right foot at right angles across the left foot.

Of course, in order to read this column in code, you need to assume these positions.

I will give you a few moments now to position yourself, so you can successfully decode the rest of the column.

Right then, we can now parlez openly about the prospect of the Government's secret spy agency listening in on our communications.

The gay marriage bill made it into law this week and homosexuals nationwide have been celebating. Sorry, that should read celebrating. Tongues have been wagging on the lesbian social media sites, and in gay men's circles they've been going nuts. There's been huge traffic on sites such as Twatter and Sitonmyfacebook.

In other disturbing news, one of the world's leading anti-tobacco researchers has slammed the New Zealand Government and the Hobbit movies for hypocrisy in sabotaging its stated aim of eliminating smoking by 2025. (We had hobbits for a barbecue and also noticed they smoked).

Apparently in the movie there are scenes of the gay little folk smoking. Isn't it about time they kicked the hobbit?

We are just ants on the surface, one astute writer tells us this week.

The way we treat the planet is not particularly smart, but it isn't having as much impact as some deliriously panicky people would have us believe.

Yes there is climate change. This is nothing new. It never went away. The climate has been changing since the beginning of time, and possibly longer.

It will continue to change.

No amount of taxing naïve inhabitants is going to change anything noticeable.

As debate rages over the proposed Pilot Bay walkway, a secret plan is being hatched in downtown Tauranga for a similar structure.

Unreliable sources tell us the art gallery is plotting to construct its own boardwalk across Willow St and over the top of the council chamber.

Gallery spokesman Rich Palette says the platform will make it easier at funding application time for the gallery proponents to walk all over the councillors.

Finally, we've another letter from a reader concerned about the creeping use of Aotearoa New Zealand.

He's got a point. The name of the country is New Zealand. Not Aotearoa, or Aotearoa NZ.

No-one's given anyone permission to change the name of the nation. This is insidious. It's also a form of racism. If the name of the country is going to be changed, we should have that debate and make a decision.

You don't just go around trying to sneak it in here and there and hope that no-one notices. There would be hell to pay if we decided to call Tauranga by its translated meaning, ‘The Anchorage'.

Messing with the names of places erodes our sense of national pride and is, arguably, as bad as flag burning. Or flag shooting, if you reside in the east.

We live in New Zealand – that is the name of it. Show some national pride.