Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Blow me down. What a weird week it's been. Must be all that global warming, causing extremes, they tell us.

From drought to flooding, the wind blowing then not blowing, radicals blowing people up, old entertainers blowing who-knows-what and doing weird stuff with animals, whacko politicians blowing hard, blowing things out of proportion and shopaholic councils blowing our rates. Sure is a lot of blowing going on.

Rolf Harrisment
Reports that veteran Aussie entertainer Rolf Harris is involved in sex abuse allegations brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport'.
Who is making these allegations? The marsupial? If charges are laid, will it be heard in a kangaroo court?
And what about the other characters in the songs… is it a matter of a cockatoo in the wrong place?
Has there been some inappropriate application of the wobble instrument?
Still in shock, the RR team has been frantically adjusting Rolf's songs, to bring them into line with 2013 accusations.
The verse that starts:
'Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl” is amended to 'Slip a cockatoo in, Slim”.
And the verse dealing with the liberation of a certain tree-dwelling bear should now read:
'Take me Koala from the back, Jack.”
And as far as Rolf's paintings are concerned, it raises the issue of what might have happened to ‘Tessa Through the Bluegums'.
(Let's hope it wasn't mounted)
This allegation has shattered yet another childhood illusion. We grew up with Rolf's songs and painting those amazing big pictures.
Now this news has rattled the very foundations of our upbringing. It can't possibly be true.
It's like finding out the Black and White Minstrels weren't really African-American. Or the revelation that the moon landings were faked. Or finding out that Lassie was really a cat in a wig.

Lost in translation
Meanwhile, 30 Afghan interpreters and their families have arrived in New Zealand for a new life, after assisting NZ police and provincial reconstruction teams in Bamyan. After eight weeks in the refugee resettlement programme, they will be resettled in Hamilton and Palmerston North.
After hearing this, unreliable sources report some have said they'd rather be returned to their homeland to take their chances back there. Rumour has it that some are claiming they misinterpreted the plan – they thought they would get to live in a Shiite place, not a shite place, like Hamilton.
'It is particularly shite and certainly isn't very Sunni,” said one despondent Afghani, who also noted it was no use trying to jump ship and escape as boat people back to their homeland, because Hammers and Palmy are both landlocked.

Bad taste sport
Here's some news to get your teeth into.
Footballer Suarez is again in the spotlight for biting an opposition player.
Incredibly, his club Liverpool is keeping him in the game, saying he's a valuable player and well-liked by his team mates. Does Suarez have them for dinner?
Hello, what sort of role model is this for young sportsmen? He's done it before and should be banned for life. You can't have sports stars running around chewing chunks out of other players and getting away with a slap on the wrist with a wet tube ticket.
If he was a dog, he'd either be muzzled or put down.
Also biting the hand that feeds is the evil intent of the Greens and Labour to put the skids under the Mighty River share sale. Undermining this process for political purposes is not just getting at the government – it has the potential to cost NZers dearly. The proceeds of the share float are destined for the benefit of everyday Kiwis.
I don't agree with all this government does, but the nutcase plan to nationalise the power industry would sabotage our economy.
National's Greg Hamilton summed it up pretty well this week:
'New Zealanders will see this policy for what it is: a cynical, selfish attempt by left-wing parties to play politics with New Zealand's assets for their own gain.”

Top-rated news service
The 24/7 local news site, SunLive proved its worth to Bay of Plenty residents in the weekend, as the only media covering the flooding and keeping residents updated on the incident.
SunLive's ratings have been steadily climbing, to the point that it is now the region's leading news provider.
The daily, hourly, to-the-minute news updates have been a hit with local readers, who have also been keen to supply news tips, photos and video for virtually instant publication.
Last week SunLive recorded total traffic of 424,000 page impressions – ranking it in the top four news sites in New Zealand and by far the most popular local media and most visited local site.
According to the latest Nielsen Media – Market Intelligence Report, SunLive is the fourth most viewed online news outlet in the country last week - coming in only behind stuff.co.nz, nzherald.co.nz and odt.co.nz in the News & Magazines category.
While Tauranga, Mount Maunganui and Papamoa flooded, SunLive was the only media providing coverage and keeping locals advised of road closures and vital updates.
Residents also took the opportunity to share their flood photos and stories, with many pictures emailed in and some videos posted on SunLive, direct from citizens in the flood zones.
We've some great acknowledgements of SunLive's success this week from civic leaders and business groups, inside this edition of the Sun.

Parting Shot
Finally, the biggest news of the week is that Justin Bieber's latest relationship has hit the rocks, he has parted with his monkey.
The Capuchin monkey was confiscated by German Customs. Bieber's reps contacted the Munich clinic, requesting them to find a 'safe and sheltered place or a zoo” for him. RR sources say they refused to take him, but accepted the monkey.
brian@thesun.co.nz