Michelle's Musings with Michelle Muller

Following a recent stint of medical-assigned bedrest, I found myself watching TV programmes that I normally wouldn't view. But out of boredom, drug-induced and reduced brain cell capacity and general exhaustion, I found myself watching a programme that made me question my understanding of the English language. Well one word in particular – ‘real'.

According to the Usborne English dictionary the word ‘real' is:

1. (adj) true and not imaginary.
2. (adj) genuine and not artificial.

Right, that's what I thought. So why then, as I find myself watching an episode of ‘The Real Housewives', did I feel the content of the programme did not fit the title of real housewives?

I'm a housewife. I have been for 12 years. I can tell you that at no point in my 12 years have I found myself meeting or socialising with anyone who lives like the so-called real housewives.

I do not have a different outfit for every single day. I do not have time to go get pedicures and manicures. I've had no cosmetic work – as is evident by the bags under my eyes and the reflective frowns on my forehead.

I don't have a personal trainer, I don't have a chef, and I don't have a personal assistant. I am the personal assistant! If I drank like they do I'd be incapable of speech let alone driving.

I don't have time to go on holidays offshore with my fellow housewives and then get annoyed because one of the ladies upstaged my 'I've hired a luxury boat for the day” with 'well I've hired a helicopter and we are going to a secret retreat”. If I had a friend that could afford to upstage me, then I would love her and embrace the offer with welcome arms.

As for relaxing and getting away from it all, my recent stint of five days in hospital is as close to a break as I'll have this winter. In many ways it was very relaxing. Mind you, I didn't have to cook, clean, run children around, help with homework or do the housework. I slept for hours on end. Read copious amounts of trashy magazines, listened to music and had lovely chats with the nurses. Plus, I had an endless supply of some rather super drugs.

So for those watching ‘The Real Housewives' and like me wondering where it all went so wrong, remember this. You are the real housewives, you are amazing, you are selfless, you are helping build the future of our country and your bags, wrinkles and frown lines show you are true and not imaginary, genuine and not artificial. You are real!