Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

More puerile and gratuitous nonsense

It's good to be back with yet another column of 'puerile and gratuitous” nonsense, as one reader labelled it this week.

This did not concern me greatly, because the comment arrived on Wednesday, International Self Esteem Day. Any other day and I might have beaten myself up, but not this day. Brimming over with self-confidence and empowered to banish all destructive negativity, means I can soar above bullying and perform to my puerile and gratuitous best.

Odd, however, that it seems to be the puerile and gratuitous items that you readers find so entertaining, so we're pleased to announce that there won't be any let up on the P&G for as long as sarcasm, satire and poor taste pulses through my veins. I see it more as a reflection of my readers' sick expectations than anything. You sad bastards.

‘Give the people what they want,' the Kinks said in 1982. Although it could also have been said by any of the raft of life-sucking politicians who have bowed to pressure from the increasing masses of bludgers over the years.

Which brings me to this piece sent in by reader Tony F:
The folks who are getting free stuff don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.

The folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop and the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... the people who are forcing the people to pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff, that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So....the people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this: all great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them. Thomas Jefferson said it best: 'Democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not”.

The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff.

A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!

'The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money.” -- Margaret Thatcher.

Geez Margaret, that could be just puerile and gratuitous.

How to not use a dishwasher

In completely unrelated news, yet another survey has discovered that we are a nation of the great unwashed, when it comes to operating our dishwashers.

I don't have too many problems with mine; although occasionally I have to repeat the instructions if she's not listening.

However, the survey found that 40 per cent of dishwasher users only ever use one cycle on their machine, no matter what is being washed. More disturbing, Generation Ys are the least apt at operating a dishwasher. They are more likely to use it for cleaning other things, including toothbrushes and sports shoes.

Disagreement over household chores is the biggest relationship issue for more than a third of the Gen Ys in the survey, compared to just 7% of baby boomers.

Winter woes

Meanwhile, discerning readers will have noticed that we've passed the shortest day of the year and the optimists are looking forward to longer, warmer days and the balmy breezes of summer.

The romantics and traditionalists are embracing the crisp, wintry environment and planning a July midwinter Christmas, so for the first time in our topsy turvy southern hemisphere lives, we can finally sing with some conviction about sleigh bells and snowy Christmas things.

The Ebenezers are horrified with the prospect of two Christmases a year. They reckon one is bad enough, right in the middle of summer that interrupts the fishing prospects, why would anyone be silly enough to inflict themselves to the gruelling twice?

The pessimists know that in reality, the worst of winter generally comes after the shortest day so they are hunkering down and making sensible preparations to get through it: they've booked flights to the Gold Coast.

Parting thought:
There's only 178 days till the real Christmas.