Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

The news industry has been in a frenzy with important stories this week. Nah, never mind who has become the leader of the world's most powerful nation; or the state of the NZ dollar. We have bigger fish to fry.

Such as, a light-hearted quip by the PM that has been blown into orbit by PC wallies who have nothing better to do than pick at every little nitty bitty comment the man makes. For goodness sake, give the guy a break. He's been running the country, with some ditzy coalition partners, through economic meltdown, earthquake, collapsing mineshafts and wonky NZ dollar levels and the most important reaction from the NZ public is to lambast him for gooning around on the radio that a red top looked a bit gay.

No worries

Here at RR we believe that anyone who gets excited about this story, or PM Key's comment about gay red shirts, is well short of something to worry about. It's the sort of comment most Kiwis make without even a second thought. Gay is not a banned word. In fact gay was a word without prejudice, until it was hi-jacked by a certain sector who now try to make a big deal whenever it's used, for whatever reason.

Gay: If homosexuals hadn't commandeered the ownership of this perfectly good English word, meaning happy and gleeful, we wouldn't have this problem.
What is wrong with calling homosexuals homosexuals? Who says they own the term ‘gay'? Oh, that's right, probably the last government.

If Key had said: 'Your red top looks a bit homosexual” then they might have grounds for complaint. But if you want to get nit-picky and technical, he said the red top looked quite cheerful. He could even have said the jumper looked a bit queer. Would that have been unacceptable?

PC garbage

Even some scruffy old queer hobbit has climbed into the nonsense. He is worried that the PM's comments will be hurtful to some people.

We have to wonder at the level of PC garbage in our lives, when the prime minister can't even make a flippant comment about the colour of someone's shirt, while gabbling light-heartedly on mindless radio. And let's face it, that's mostly all you get on radio these days.

However, if it comes to a matter of credibility between a hairy old gay hobbit and the prime minister, I know who I'll be backing. And we don't mean that literally.

So the homosexual hobbit scenario raises some interesting questions.

Is the chief gay hobbit Lord of the Rings?
When they do the wild thing, do they call it 'getting your hobbit on?”

Who are the PC goons going to persecute next? Fred Flinstone ('yabba dabba doo, have a gay old time”) The notion that Fred might have been swinging his club for the same team is disturbing.

Does that mean that Fred was hobbiting Barney? Was it even kinkier than that? Perhaps a stoned-age threesome with Wilma into a bit of bam bam with Betty?

Some wags on Facebook have declared today Gay Red Shirt Day in honour of the PM. Yeah, we need more 'days”. How about 'PC Free Day” when we can call anyone anything we like, wear David Bain jumpers with lapel badges that say 'McDonald did it” and 'hobbits are dirty little queers.”

Come on people, the man made a comment about the colour of a shirt. He's not suggesting gays be stoned to death or worse, made to wear beige. Get over yourselves.

Gone batty

As if that wasn't enough politically correct nit-picking, the country went into seizure over Key's fairly accurate and honest assessment of the intelligence level of a certain soccer boofhead who was silly enough to marry Stuck Up Spice.

The PM's reported comment that David Beckham is ‘as thick as batshit' is an insult to bats everywhere.

The debate is raging on talkback and some mindless internet sites, as to whether it is more correct to say thick as batshit or thick as pigshit.

The batshit phrase is thought to have originated from… 'boring as bat shit”, which caught on after Princess Anne visited Nuzilin in 2010. Fashion designer Denise L'Estrange-Corbet is quoted as saying dear Anne was 'boring as f****** bat shit, is what she was!”
She added: 'And personality minus! No wonder Diana left them all for dead”.

Which reminds me of my favourite all time joke, (which is only funny if you are Kiwi and remember the Ingham twins who stowed away on a ship.)

Question: What is the difference between Princess Diana and the Ingham twins?

Answer: The Ingham twins were tucked in a funnel.

There are others who believe the batshit saying originated from watching New Zealand at the cricket. They certainly bat like shit. And bowl like crap. And run, like, well, they're crapping batshit.

What we need to know is: How does Batman feel about this rather public investigation of his bodily waste products? We'll probably never know. He's too busy running around trying to save Robin from having a hairy old hobbit push batshit up hill.

Parting thought

As usual several people asked me who would win the Melbourne Cup. I usually reply, 'Brock in the Commodore” but since he tragically died in 2006 I had to back Barker in the catamaran. I wonder why I never win the office sweepstake?

The memo went around the office this week saying it was Melbourne Cup day and would I like to take a horse? I replied no thanks, I'll take the bus.