Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

The big news this week is the revelation that Tauranga needs a new vision. The old one is apparently, well, short on vision, and the Chamber of Commerce is leading the call to snazz it up.

Chamber CEO Max Mason says Auckland's five-word vision statement leaves Tauranga's 67 words 'bland and boring”.
Here at RR we have five words of vision: 'Find Max some worthwhile tasks.”
Aww, sorry Max, we don't really mean it, although we still can't figure why you have been bootlicking the foreign-owned, mediocre media in town.
Max is a good bloke, just confused where his loyalties and efforts should lie.
So maybe a five word vision along the lines of: 'Find Max something to do” would fit the bill.
There are many local businesses out there, like ours, scratching their heads wondering what the chamber is really doing. Worthwhile things. Promoting Australian-owned media interests shouldn't be one of them.
Anyway, there must be great snappy aims for Tauranga. RR's astute readers must be able to come up with some scintillating five-word vision statements for our fine city.

Vision suggestions
How about:
'Not bland and boring anymore.”
'Okay now Hayden has gone.”
'See statues of Hairy Maclary.”
'Still here, despite the Rena.”
'Who needs a dumb museum?”
'Just like Auckland but with a slightly longer vision statement.”

We'd love to hear your five word sassy vision statements for Tauranga. The best will be published here next week.
The prizes* include a swanky lunch with Max, on the chamber credit card. Second prize is lunch with Max and the Mayor. Third prize is a week in Paris. With Anne Pankhurst.
*Depending on availability. Booby prize is a sausage roll with Rogers and the dog out the back of the tuck shop.

Happy Gilmore
In other riveting news this week, it would seem the question: 'Don't you know who I am?” is a fairly dangerous thing to ask.
Witherspoon and Gilmore have discovered that recently.
The answer is never going to get you anywhere good.
One thing is for certain, if you didn't know who Aaron Gilmore was before the 'I'm gonna get you fired” saga, you sure do now. For all the wrong reasons.
Witherspoon's excuse for trying the line 'Don't you know who I am?” on a police officer arresting her for disorderly conduct, has been attributed to her belief that her baby stole her brain. So she took a break in Mexico with a couple of buddies, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore.
Great idea. Whenever I'm losing the plot, I simply take a long weekend away with Cameron and Drew and I find my focus returns sharper than ever. Couple of great gals, those two, for getting one's head back in the right place.

Reality check
I'm sure every frazzled mother out there can only dream of the luxury of dumping the brats and whipping off to an exotic location with a couple of your celebrity girlfriends. Just how far out of touch with reality are these people? And society holds them up as role models?
Here's a reality check: Let's hear it for the real mothers out there, not the squillionnaire spoiled brat celebrities, who wouldn't know a real day of hardship if it bit them on the Porsche.
Hip hooray to the real mums of the world. It's Mothers' Day this weekend and there are plenty of options in this edition of the paper to help give your mum a special time.
The newsroom has received plenty of ideas for Mothers' Day from entrepreneurial sources; including great ideas from a travel agent titled 'Mother's Day Escapes.”
We thought this would particularly appeal to mums in the Auckland Region Women's Corrections Facility.

Surprise prise
There'd be nothing better than to surprise Mum on her special day, by busting her out of jail. A Mother's Day ‘great escape' would be just the thing.
It would tie in nicely with yo new bracelet, (the home detention one.)
Ironically, one of the suggested travel destinations was a shopping tour and high tea in Sydney. That's right: ship some more convicts there.
Another recommended destination from the agency is to a session of ‘Wicked, the Musical'. However we wonder the sensibility, if we are busting mum out of the clanger, then she is already clearly wicked and shouldn't be given any encouragement?

However you choose to celebrate with Mother, we wish you all mums a really wicked day. brian@thesun.co.nz