This is a true story about my mate Bo who likes a little punk which is why I guess he wears that studded collar and has the attitude from hell.

But I know it is just a front; he is a pussycat in a canine's body really.
The story goes like this. Bo was left at home last weekend and being the stud that he is, frantically tried to find an escape route from his kennel as he had heard the word that a few of the local bitches were going to be down the road. He was intrigued with the body piercings and funny insignias branded on their coats. His searching was not in vain as his twolegger had left the bedroom window open. Without even a thought for his own safety he launched himself out the window and freedom, yeah right. He only got as far as the corner when the local dog control officer busted him. Give the boy a break; it was only his hormones raging. Now he was off to jail, no bail, and a very slow wagging tail.
Bo's head twolegger arrived home later that day to a very quite house - no Bo. After she frantically tried searching the streets and dark alleys, asking all the local ho's, no luck. So after a restless night of Bo dreams, Saturday dawned and bright and early she was on the phone to the local council asking politely if Bo had been tossed in the slammer.
After many phone calls all ending in the negative I was starting to feel sorry for her, and she was in the process of printing flyers to drop off around the neighbourhood. The poor girl had driven just about every street in the Mount CBD breaking it up with more calls to the Council. 'Nope, there is no Bo here”, was the only reply. Saturday night passed with Bo's twolegger getting even more distraught (this is a concerned canine owner I can tell you).
Sunday passed much the same way with the same response from the dog division at the Council. The poor girl was by now extremely concerned about my old mate. Monday morning she again called the council and was told yes Bo was in jail and had been picked up early Saturday morning.
Now go figure! The boy was registered and had a microchip so why the hell was the twolegger and Bo put through all this drama?
Talk about incompetency in our bureaucratic system. Why put them both through this? A simple phone call would have been good and the twolegger would have been relieved Bo was safe and sound. Yep I know he should not have been out on the streets - he did the crime and paid the fine, but all weekend they did not know even if he was behind bars. Anyway people smarten up the act please, poor old Bo!
Well that's my bitch for the week, well maybe not FiFi, has just walked past. Better get the rest of this column done as fast as I can as she looks in need of my masculine attention.
Onto Johnny boy, I bet his better half knows where he is all the time as if he got caught wandering around town flashing his meat like he does in his shop in Gate Pa, he would be in the pound. My man the Aussie Butcher has marinated sirloin steak on special this week. Ideal for the barbecue so get on along to see him. Also get your ham and turkey orders in for the big day to avoid missing out. I have told you many a time, Johnny's hams are second to none (not strung either)… man that is weak.
Gotta go, FiFi needs leading astray.

'Sirloin steak with oyster sauce stir-fry'

Serves 4
Ingredients
1 cup oyster sauce
2 tsp minced ginger
2 tsp minced red chilli
¼ cup sherry
4 lean beef sirloin steaks
1-2 tsp sesame oil
1 broccoli head, cut into florets
1 red capsicum, sliced
1 red onion, peeled and sliced
250g brown mushrooms, quartered

Method
Combine oyster sauce, ginger, chilli and sherry, mix well. Set aside half the mixture for the stir fry. Turn the steaks in the remaining mixture, cover and marinate for at least 30 minutes
Remove the steaks from the marinade and barbecue over a moderate heat on a preheated oiled hot plate or grill for 3-4 minutes each side for rare. Set steaks aside in a warm place covered with foil for 4 minutes to rest.
Heat sesame oil in a wok on the barbecue, stir-fry broccoli, capsicum and red onion for 3 minutes, add ¼ cup water, cover and reduce temperature until broccoli is just tender. Increase the heat, toss in mushrooms and reserved oyster sauce mixture. Stir until the mushrooms are cooked and sauce is hot.
Serve immediately with steaks.
Wash it down with:

'The 42 Buck'

45 mls 42Below Vodka
Ginger Ale or Ginger Beer
4 Lemon Wedges
Fill a glass with ice and squeeze in lemon wedges, leaving them in the glass. Add 42Below Vodka and top with ginger beer or ginger ale.