Christmas came early for me.

Due to my extreme levels of handsomeness, I was invited this week to Animal Antics to be their pin-up boy model for the latest in canine haute couture – which is French for 'well-endowed dog.”
I like these outings, because there's some people out there who still question whether I'm real. Well I can tell you, when they see my magnificent 39.99kg frame waddling up, they're left in no doubt!
Sure, I have a bit of technical input to my column now and then, thanks to the fine chefs at No.1 The Strand (it's important to delegate) but otherwise it's all my own work.
Anyway, after the photo shoot the good folk at Animal Antics sent me back to the office with a box of great presents – including a selection of edibles and goodies from Ziwi Peak; a tennis ball thrower, and a cool stuffed toy chicken that crows when you squeeze its belly.
Fifi is just going to love that one, she really enjoys a cheeky cock. Rooster that is, of course.
In the finest tradition of Labradors, I did not wait for Christmas morning. As soon as the boss left the office for a few minutes I just had to sample the venison heart treats. I would have been well through the selection of Good Dog morsels and pig ears, too, if that sneaky reporter Andrew hadn't popped his nose in the office and caught me, red pawed, with the entire contents of my Christmas box spread all over the office floor.
My attempts to blame the rooster failed. He just sat in the corner looking all smug and crowing. (You're next, pillow filling.) The big news this week: a great competition I'm organising for all you dog lovers out there. Once the Christmas and New Year nonsense is over, we're going in search of the finest female pooches in the region.
That's right, your fun lovin' Diesel is launching a region-wide search for…Bitch of the Year.
Real soon we'll be calling for nominations from all you loverly ladies out there, and I dare say a good number of my beautiful lusties from the neighbourhoods will qualify.
So keep yourselves in good shape over the break, my lovelies and don't overdue the fondue or barbecue.
And start collecting your summer photos, every hot model needs a portfolio showing her best attributes!
Already I've had some keen expressions from my lady acquaintances, including Keta the Whippet, Sophisticated Red, and Fifi my scrumptious little French tart. My Papamoa beach girl, Tess, came over all amorous when she heard about the chance to strut her voluptuous self on the stage.
Keep watching this space for more details coming soon of Diesel's Bitch of the Year competition. You could be my next calendar girl!
As for that smarmy rooster, here's a good treatment for him:

'Honey Nut Chicken'

Ingredients
4 boneless chicken breasts, skin removed
¼ cup butter, melted
2 Tbsp honey
½ cup chopped salted peanuts or other salted nuts
¾ cup finely crushed cornflakes
½ tsp dried thyme leaves
¼ tsp salt

Method
Combine butter and honey in a shallow pan and mix well. Combine remaining ingredients in another pan. Dip boneless, skinless breasts in butter mixture, then roll in crumb mixture to coat. Bake at 220 degrees Celsius for 18-24 minutes.
Serve with buttered carrots and salad.