Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

It's been all go on the news front this week. A plane mysteriously disappears. Banana crisis. The Prime Minister hoists plan for new flag. Royal visit looms.

Here at RR Headquarters, we are disgusted that none of the suggested flag designs have a kiwi. If we are going to change the flag, forget the mangey fern. What are we? Vegetarians?

We are Kiwis. If we are getting a flash new flag, it must have a kiwi on it. Not some wussy plant that looks more like a white feather or a fish skeleton. Get the Bizarre Bird on there and tell the world who we are.

About the only crowd using an emblem of our flightless bird is the airforce. They are probably the only ones who shouldn't be using it. Unless the navy is going to play along with the irony, and adopt a logo of a fish that can't swim, it seems a bit self-defeatist.

It's notable that several of the new flag options have no identity with the Union Jack. Does this mean we are snubbing Mother England and the Monarchy, while the heirs to the throne are visiting?

If we drop the UK connection, are we heading down the path of becoming a banana republic? At a time when we have no bananas?

There's no point in getting bent out of shape about the banana shortage. Look how we handled ourselves with dignity during the marmite crisis, we managed to survive Marmageddon and we even coped without Coffey for a while. Fortunately, Tamati came back, eventually.

Reminds me of the old joke about the Irishman at the Banana factory – he was fired for throwing out the bent ones.

Shampoo security

Meanwhile the tragedy unfolding with a Malaysian airliner, missing over the South China Sea… or somewhere. No one seems very sure.

What has been highlighted is the woefully inadequate system for picking up dodgy travellers. Whether or not this is a case of terrorism that has anything to do with the two people – who got through security with stolen passports – is beside the point.
It is clear that all the inconvenience caused to passengers, jumping through endless security checks, throwing out our toothpaste and hair gel – has really been a complete waste of time; when airlines can let a couple of blokes waltz through on stolen passports.

Exactly what is the point of having passports, if people with stolen ones can still board planes, and arguably, cause them to crash?

What a mockery of all the precautions at airports. We are made to jump through hoops to travel anywhere; we can't even take a tube of toothpaste on a plane.
Yet someone with a stolen passport waltzes on board and whammo, an airliner vaporises.

There would seem to be no point to the painstaking anti-terror measures, if some airports are going to be so lax, that this sort of tragedy can be allowed to occur.
We would be safer to forget flying and catch the banana boat. I hear they're looking for work.

Election elation

It's so exciting that we have an election date set. I didn't have anything planned for September, so this is great news there is something to look forward to.
Of course everyone in opposition is complaining about this. They would have complained if a date wasn't set, and now they're moaning that one is.

Cunliffe is grizzling that September is too cold for a good voter turnout. What a load of claptrap. July is cold. September is spring. Voters are out cavorting with the lambs and daffodils, just looking for a ballot paper to tick. Better than having it closer to summer and ruining a good fishing day. Get your priorities right, man.

The Greens just don't like anything anytime, so they're bitching as well. Winston won't front up about whether he'll hold hands with John. That would be far too simple and not generate nearly enough Wintrigue and Winsteria.

Peter Dunne is concerned about the timing of the equinox winds and the effect on the hairdo.

The rest of the party would have had an opinion, but didn't have enough in the room to form a consensus.

Young Labour don't care about the election in September. They've alerted their members to the election on November 20. And they want to run the country?
That's one group that really has missed the (banana) boat.

You design the new flag!

Send in your flag ideas, we'll give out prizes to the best and worst.

Email to brian@thesun.co.nz or post to PO Box 240, Tauranga.