There was the time a priest was called to deliver the 'good catholic teenager” his last rites. He was on the brink. 'They said if I survived, I'd be a raving lunatic. That's still a debatable point.”

There was another time a tormented love interest dumped all his cricket memorabilia – bats, pads, scorebooks, the works – on the front lawn and set fire to it.

'She was trying to tell me something.” She went the same way as his three previous ‘cricket widows'. 'I'd like to blame cricket but I can't.”

For cricket aficionados, there was a ‘famous' Domain moment when our umpire no-balled Trent Boult after the quick cleaned out a batsman with a hat trick ball. 'I had to call it – he was six inches over.” Rules are rules.

There's a whole lot of ‘bloke-ishness' about one Rodney ‘Rod' Newton – an umpiring supremo, a man revered and respected for his love and enduring commitment to cricket in this city, and perhaps even beyond the four boundary on the domain.
Bloke-ish but politically sensitive. While chatting about wildlife and times he taps into Cricinfo, the global cricket score app, to see how the 'girls are going” – the White Ferns playing Sri Lanka. 'Promote Suzie Bates up the order and she gets 56.” Yup, he enjoys that. 'And the White Fern's 162 is a good total.” His love of the game transcends genders. And he was umpiring a BOP woman's game recently. 'Some great young players, some great cricket.”

Cricket comes first

But back to the bloke. 'Always said cricket comes first, the kids second, then everyone and everything else.” Talking of kids, he could muster a family cricket team. 'Five kids of my own and five adopted.” And Rod, opening the batting and bowling, makes 11.

Cricket is perhaps more a calling, a faith, than a game for umpire Rod – and the holy orders have been conferred by his peers, he is a high priest in this cricketing parish. And his standing is exceeded only by his longevity.

'Pretty much umpiring and playing from 1983 – I loved it, it was my whole life.” Then in 1993 he became a full-time umpire.

Now aged 72, he's probably one of the more seasoned adjudicators around, and is still standing in games four or five long days a week. 'A guy came up to me the other day and said: ‘You umpired my grandfather'. I told him to consider himself lucky I was still here.”

We're all lucky he's still here because he has some scrapes.

When the priest was summoned to Rod's hospital bed on May 9, 1965 – that date is etched – he'd been 'properly munted” by a car near Te Rapa Air Force Base at age 14. 'Right leg broken in six places, right hand smashed, left cheek ripped off – 32 operations to get me looking pretty again.” There was more. 'Head smashed in and brain bruised.” The car was written off and they thought Rod might have to be written off too, but he was back playing rugby within a year.

Then there was the stroke. The first stroke was in 2006. 'Lost my right-hand side, but it fixed itself.”

Then he tangled with a pork chop, a bit of indigestion he thought, but it was a serious heart attack. 'There are 147 decent bumps between Tauranga Hospital and Te Poi.” He felt and counted each one in the back of an ambulance on his way to Waikato Hospital for a stent. 'A decent sized 40mm bore. The biggest. But I haven't felt younger or better.”
When he had a whole series of mini strokes in 2019, he told the nurse it was probably why he didn't feel good. 'She accused me of not taking things seriously. And I don't really.”

His epiphany

He does treat some things dead seriously, like his epiphany. 'As a young man I played both rugby and cricket.” Then there was a realisation he loved cricket more.

'I love test matches, a five-day battle of wills, and just one thing, a dropped catch or a bad decision, can swing a game. It's like the chapters of a good book – all the twists and turns.”

And he's thumbing through each book from the best vantage point. 'I am standing out there amongst it as the story unfolds. I'm watching close-up and I get to make the decisions. Brilliant. Can you have better fun?”

Maybe. But he's like a religious convertee; he won't be dissuaded. So we won't argue.

'I am mad, and to be good cricket umpire it helps to be mad,” according to the umpire. 'Well, he's not mad – mischievous, maverick, delightfully eccentric and, perhaps, even obsessive. But not mad. 'No, definitely not mad,” says fellow umpire Phil Reed. 'Rod Newton – a highly respected and a wonderful advocate for the game. Everyone loves him.”

During his playing days and when he was batting, Rod refused to talk cricket with his batting partner in the few precious moments between overs. 'I was happy to talk about women, the weather, whatever. But not the field, the pitch or the bowling because it's time to reset your mind.”

Love the game

What? Now that's an insight. Perhaps, on reconsideration, he's just a teeny weeny bit mad.

'Umpires feel a bit thankless and unappreciated sometimes.” So why step out every weekend, in your own time, to be tested, vilified, berated and unappreciated? 'You do it because you love the game. And if you're an umpire wanting to be liked by everyone, you will never be any good.” You have to be true to yourself, and the laws of cricket, like the five pages pertaining to LBW decisions. Now, there's some good night-time reading.

Rodney ‘Rod' Newton, the man who couldn't find The Sun office at No.1 The Strand in broad daylight but could drive you to Smallbone Park in Rotorua in the dead of night blindfolded, is a fatalist and has his ideal final chapter all sorted.

'The ultimate way to go would be to walk to the middle of a cricket pitch one day, give some guy ‘not out', and drop dead. Gone!” Intriguing bloke.

Recognised

This week The Bay of Plenty Cricket Association honoured Rod Newton.

At the BOPCA awards on Wednesday night he was bestowed the Peter Wright Cup for services to umpiring. But Rod wasn't at Bay Oval to hear tributes and receive the award. He was in Hamilton doing what he loves most and what he does best – umpiring his eightieth game of the season.

'When Rod eventually retires, he's going to leave a huge hole,” said fellow umpire Phil Reed.

A day off umpiring and Rod Newton's having a roll-up. Photo: John Borren.