Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Bay of Plenty folk are about to enjoy a second long weekend in succession.

We've barely shaken the sand from our jandals and touched down for a few day's back after Auckland Anniversary weekend, then it's back into three-dayer mode again for the national Waitangi holiday.

It's a reasonably quaint and conservative national celebration compared to some of the wild festivities in other parts of the world, with many Kiwis more interested in a day off at the beach than dwelling on the meaning of the holiday.

Fortunately, they may well enjoy this year's day off; the weather seems to have lifted its game, and those tired of the relentless Groundhog Day of south-westerlies need not fear: Summer may in fact be coming after all.

Of course Groundhog Day is actually a celebration in the United States in February. The groundhog awakens mid-winter from a long winter hibernation and goes outside his den.

If he sees his shadow on a sunny morning, according to legend, he'll return to the den and go back to sleep and there will be six more weeks of winter. Who knows what his reaction will be when he finds out who became president while he was napping.

Seems the folks at Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, must have been a bit short of inspiration when they came up with this celebration.

Tomato torment
Our national day, an acknowledgement of the signing of a treaty, seems quite sensible and conservative in comparison.

Until angry people start throwing sex toys at politicians, which always makes spectacular headlines.

The Spanish have a celebration of throwing stuff, making our Waitangi protestors look quite amateur in comparison. (Although we could be onto something more dramatic if the dildo episode escalates).

The La Tomatina food fight festival in Bunol is full-on tomato torment. It started in the 1940s and since then the townsfolk have been pelting each other with tomatoes every year, for one-hour-and-a-half. That's from a reliable source.

The people of Spain have the idiot celebrations well covered. The Bonfires of Saint John is a week of massive blazes, often fuelled with furniture. A sort of Dunedin couch-burning, but with more class but less Speights. The locals drink hot chocolate while watching the village children run through the fires.

Baby Jumping is held every year since 1620 on the feast of Corpus Christi. All babies born in the previous year are put on a mattress and the adult men of a Spanish village dress up as devils and jump over the babies. It is believed to cure the offspring of original sin, a whacko sort of baptism. The adults are often injured.

Goat tossing
Proving they're capable of harming animals in equal proportion to veges, babies and children, the Spanish have a Goat Tossing Festival. It's been officially banned on animal rights grounds, but continues regardless. No-one seems to know why, but traditionally in the small town of Manganeses de la Polvorosa, a young man finds a goat, ties it up and throws it from the church belfry. It falls about 16 metres and is supposed to be caught in a tarpaulin held by other villagers. No kidding.

Mexico has it's version of vege-themed celebration, Night of the Radishes. Since 1897 farmers at the Christmas markets have been carving figures from over-sized radishes to attract customers to their produce. I guess they'll be stepping up production this year to help pay for Donald's wall.

Many cultures including Mexico also have festivals of the dead. Supposed to honour deceased ancestors, various versions of Day of the Dead happen in Japan, Egypt, Peru and throughout the world's religions.

The Chinese and Buddhists have a ghost festival, while lately the Europeans have a half-baked version known as Halloween.

The Scottish take festivities to extremes with Up Helly Aa, marking the Viking influence and the end of the Yule period. Marching around in Viking costumes with flaming torches ends spectacularly when the fires are tossed into a replica Viking ship, which is left to burn.

Fight fire with cheese
Unable to think of anything creative to do with vegetables and being a bit averse to fire, the English did their best to invent a whacky ritual. The Cheese Rolling Festival in Gloucestershire starts with an official tossing a lump of cheese down an awfully steep hill.

Hundreds of awfully silly people run down the hill, chasing it. Casualties are always awfully numerous.

Punch Your Neighbour Day is a favourite in Bolivia. Villagers in the Andes form circles, the women chanting and the men fighting each other, sometimes to the death, which was considered a good omen for bountiful harvests.

Similar to a night out in West Auckland, but with better dress sense.

Whatever you decide to throw this weekend, from a party to a dildo-tossing tantrum, take care out there. And check your batteries, if included.

brian@thesun.co.nz