Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Our quest for a slogan draws to a close this week, with many hundreds of ideas being tossed around, and some just tossed aside by our team of highly judgemental tossers.

So thanks to the many who contributed. Some went way beyond a simple few words for a slogan, so we've made a whole new category for these creative geniuses in recognition of their efforts. If we ever decide there's a need for a feature film length musical for Tauranga, we are in good hands.
So here, in no particular order are the five that caught our attention, plus a few other oddballs that deserve a mention.
• Tommy Kapai for ‘Tauranga, The Anchorage'. You can't beat the literal translation. Our beautiful harbour. It's what brought all our ancestors here, no matter what sort of waka; and keeps us here.
• Captain Cook and Maureen Anderson, for (oldie but a goodie) ‘The Bay of Plenty'. Cook got it right, right? He can't unfortunately be here today to accept the honour so Maureen scores the lot.
• The Short Sistars for a huge all-singing-and-dancing concept. They should be an internet sensation; check them out on SunLive. Their entry wasn't just a slogan, it was a musical extravaganza.
and …
• Richard Goodhall, for the three full verses of ‘Tauranga, Tauranga'.
The idea for a sing-off with the Short Sistars was a stroke of genius.

Honourable mentions:
H Limerick and Jeanette Luxton, for multiple entries.
Mike Houlding for ‘Where it's safe to lick the windows'.
Bad taste mention: I Spy for ‘Our twin towers are still standing'.
Thanks to all those who entered and made this a highly entertaining process.
The entries, and the Sistars, are listed here:
www.sunlive.co.nz/news/10643-slogan-suggestions-dozen.html
We've got prize packs on the way to you.

Fairly superstitious
The superstitious amongst you won't like this column.
Last time we talked about predicting earthquakes the Bay had a little shake up and then Canterbury had a doozy.
So it is with great trepidation that we dip our toes into the murky waters of the subject of shark attacks.
The summer has been brimming with excitable media reports about sharks. A lot of it has been fuelled by naïve media people, many new to this area, that don't understand that sharks actually live in the sea.
Where there is seawater, there will be sharks. They don't go away in the summer – in fact, what happens is: more people go in the sea, therefore the number of reported sightings peaks.
What is interesting is that no one has died or even been slightly inconvenienced by a shark this summer. (At time of writing!)
Despite all the shark hype, a shark hasn't even sniffed a swimmer.
I know that the chances of a vicious shark attack happening have now been increased 100-fold as Murphy would cause that – just to spite me.
As we've explained before, you are much more likely to be kicked to death by a donkey than eaten by a shark.If you're silly enough to go swimming with a donkey then you've only got yourself to blame.
You are also more likely to be killed by the falling branch of an Aspen tree. Or worse, a black cottonwood disguised as an Aspen.
Do not sit under any trees wearing balaclavas.
So I suggest the media leave the poor sharks alone. Focus on the stingrays, which are present in huge numbers all year round, and do kill people, quite regularly.
But here's the real threat that few people understand: the most dangerous animal in the sea – the creature responsible for more deaths than any other living organism – is the scallop.
More divers die from scallop hunting than any other pursuit.
That could be described as a clamity.
Meanwhile, here's some useful advice on dealing with those sharks, sent to us thanks to avid reader Megs.
How to deal with shark attacks this summer
1. Don't swim in the sea
More than 99% of shark attacks happen in large watermasses – also know as oceans. An easy way to tell if you are in an ocean is to taste the water – it will taste like salt.
2. Swim alongside fat people
Make sure that there are always fat people in the water with you. Odds are that you can swim faster than them – increasing your chances of escape.
3. Sunblock
Replace the sunblock of the person next to you with barbecue rib sauce.
4. Don't go into the water without a knife
As soon as you spot a shark – furiously stab the person next to you. As soon as he is bleeding profusely – swim away as fast as you can.
5. Listen carefully
Every shark has a theme song. If you hear the following – swim for your life: da-dam, da-dam. If it is fast like: dadam, dadam, dadam – give up – you are already screwed.
6. Don't panic
Stay calm if a shark has got you. At this late stage you are screwed in any case – survival is not an option. The people on the beach do not appreciate someone screaming and shouting like a lunatic – it just isn't pleasant – think of the children dammit!

Geep or a Shoat?
Finally this week, in keeping with the animal theme, an alert reader has reported that a sheep, which they thought had been turned into a wether, was in fact, a fully functional ram. This was due to a malfunction of the rubber ring which was supposed to turn Rambo into Julian Clary.
The discovery of Rambo's escape from neuterdom explained why he'd been a bit boisterous in the paddock and behaved like Shane Warne to the neighbouring goat.
The goat, unimpressed with Rambo's attempts to mount (and equally annoyed at the continual dirty text messaging) laid a sexual harassment complaint with the farmer. She'll probably get a load of taxpayer funded compensation and qualify for years of free trauma counseling.
Anyway, this raised the question of whether the non-wether could successfully breed with a goat; (had the goat been compliant in the process).
The jury is out on this. Some of our enquiries reveal that yes, sheep and goats can cross breed. The result apparently is a Shoat. Others tell us that the offspring of a sheep-goat romance would be a Geep and that it would be sterile.
Yet more information tells us that the two are incompatible and the offspring would fail to make it past the embryo stage and death of the offspring, or the dam, would result.
Here at RR we believe that the mating the other way around, of a goat over a sheep, is possible and there are many examples of this, over the Tasman.