Carol Stovold Quality Kidz qualitykidz.co.nz

Carol Stovold, managing director, Quality Kidz and president of NZ Home-based Early Childhood Education Association.

Sharing as defined in Wikipedia is the process of dividing or distributing and the joint use of resource or space. So why can teaching a child to share be so difficult?

Young children know very little about sharing other than what they have observed from you. Sharing of food is often the easiest concept to understand. At meal times, food is offered to all and pieces are given away never to return (we hope). Children learn about this from the time they are able to sit on your knee and share food from your plate at the table.

So if sharing means giving something away and never getting it back again, why would they then share toys with others – especially if they don't think they will ever get them back? Separating the concepts of sharing from turn taking often makes the task easier and more easily understood, especially when we want to reduce the frustration and possible violent reactions from our toddlers.

Toddlers and young children around the age of two are very egocentric – they know that there are other children and may even acknowledge them, but the reality is they are more interested in themselves. At this age they are just learning about the concept of ‘me' and ‘mine'. This is the time where they are starting to assert their rights to objects whether they belong to them or not. These are ‘my' shoes and ‘my' bed because I am being told this over and over again.

Even though they may understand the concept of ownership, they can't understand that someone else may want the same toy as them. Even stuff that isn't theirs, they think is ‘mine'. Understanding another person's point of view really doesn't begin until around age three or even four.

A delightful poem that best describes this is ‘Property Law as viewed by a toddler':

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like it's mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If I can see it, it's mine.

10.If I think it's mine, it's mine.

11. If I want it, it's mine.

12. If I 'need it”, it's mine (yes, I know the difference between 'want” and 'need”).

13. If I say it's mine, it's mine.

14. If you don't stop me from playing with it, it's mine.

15. If you tell me I can play with it, it's mine.

16. If it will upset me too much when you take it away from me, it's mine.

17. If I (think I) can play with it better than you can, it's mine.

18. If I play with it long enough, it's mine.

19. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it's mine.

20. If it's broken, it's yours (no wait, all the pieces are mine).

Sound familiar?

Next Week: Teaching turn taking