Carol Stovold Quality Kidz qualitykidz.co.nz

Turn taking is more often referred to in terms of knowing when to start and finish a conversation in order that another speaker can engage with you. For toddlers, turn taking with objects is no different. They must learn to know when to start playing with something and being prepared to either hand it on to someone else or receive something from someone else.

Turn taking is similar and yet different to sharing as a concept for young toddlers and children to learn. Early turn taking is an important skill for children to learn as it forms the basis of respectful relationships based on give-and-take and is required for the social necessities of our oral language.

Teaching a child to take turns can be a time-consuming and frustrating task. While sometimes toddlers play may end in fights over what toy belongs to whom, it is still important that you continue to expose your children to other toddlers. The only way they're really going to learn is by hands-on experience. Mums have to be constantly nearby and refereeing.
When teaching your child to turn take, it is important to set realistic expectations. Remember when you first start out, they do not yet understand how other people feel and cannot empathise with hurt feelings. They do not know what 'sorry” is – let alone understand when to apply it.

• Use a bouncing ball to illustrate the concept of turn taking. 'I am going to bounce or roll the ball to you. Then it will be your turn to bounce or roll the ball back to me.”
• When completing everyday tasks with your child, talk to them about whose turn it is. 'Now it is your turn to use the soap and water, when you are finished it will be my turn.”
• Use the words ‘turn taking' instead of sharing. Turn taking means the toy they give to another for a ‘turn' will eventually come back after a period of time.
• Break time into manageable, concrete examples. Teaching children about the concept of time as well as turn taking helps the process. 'When the buzzer goes on the microwave or when I clap my hands after the little hand on the watch has gone around the face five times.”
• Limit the amount of time each child plays with a toy by using an egg timer. This gives children equal amounts of play time, but it also takes the blame off of you if your child gets upset. You're not telling them it's time to give up the toy, the timer is telling them it's time to give up the toy.
• Decide with your child which of their toys they are happy for other children to play with and which special ones they want put aside for their own special play time or exclusive use.
• Ask yourself what you can realistically expect your child to share (take turns with others), they certainly do not have to share everything they own, after all would you share your toothbrush just because someone asked nicely?

When the fighting gets out of hand, take the children outside for a change of scenery or offer them a healthy snack. Whatever you do, don't lose your cool. Turn taking will come eventually – it just takes a little patience.

Next Week: Teaching children about ‘sorry'