Carol Stovold Quality Kids qualitykidz.co.nz

I have worked in Playcentre and centre-based childcare during the many, many years I have been involved in early childhood. But for the last 14 years, I have worked in and owned Quality Kidz; a Home Based Childcare service, which provides high quality early childhood education in family home settings.

This work has enabled me to research and reinforce my own beliefs that there are three vital things which assist adults to manage children's behavior:

1. Establishing the boundaries with children from the start; children then know what is permitted and what is not, as well as what is expected from them.
2. The boundaries or ‘rules of behavior' are consistently and fairly applied. Children speedily recognise where rules are not applied in a just and equitable manner.
3. Adults taking time to learn about and practice different ways of responding to inappropriate behaviours and how to guide appropriate behaviours and manners in a respectful manner.

We have found that following these simple processes, children respond well to their educator's directions and develop strengths, interest and skills in a harmonious atmosphere. Some of this is due to our small group size and individual one-to-one teaching. It is the training that we undertake with our educators and teachers, however, that children directly benefit from – by providing them with alternative ways of managing behaviour.

These strategies and tips include:

• Notice and praise children's good behaviour. When a child is given love and attention, they will repeat the behaviour again. This way they learn self discipline.
• Listen to children. Take what they have to say seriously. If a child thinks you are not listening to them, they will escalate the behaviour until you do notice.
• Give children the opportunity to express their feelings. There are no bad feelings, only bad ways of expressing them. Give children space and let them know that you notice how they feel. Children will learn, not only that you mean what you say, but that you understand how they feel.
• Make your message clear. Make simple direct requests that are short and to the point.
• Make one request at a time, speaking in a calm and firm voice. Be consistent.
• Give lots of helpful reminders and warnings before changing environments or activities, meal times and going out of the home on outings. Try not to nag though.
• Give reasons for your decision and explain the consequences if the child does not cooperate.
• Be realistic in your expectations – babies do cry and toddlers will explore their environment by pulling things over and tipping things out.
• Set a good example to your children. Practice what you preach.
• Encourage children to devise their own solutions to problems, remembering each child is a unique person and has their own personality, dispositions, likes and dislikes.
• Say sorry if you have made a mistake or done something you regret. Modelling meaningful apologies will encourage children to develop empathy and behave the same way.

Next week: More tips for discipline alternatives.