Carol Stovold Quality Kids qualitykidz.co.nz

I am constantly amazed at today's technology and how fast it is moving. It wasn't that long ago that I was trying to get my head around blogging and Facebook. They've been around for a while, but it takes time to accept this new way of communicating when it is different from anything you have ever used or known before.

Disciplining children in a new way that doesn't rely on hitting them isn't that different from people in my age bracket getting to grips with using social media. It just takes time, knowledge and a little bit of energy to make the effort.

This statement is currently doing the rounds on Facebook: ‘How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella came home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200mp/h, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with seven guys! We shouldn't be surprised when our kids misbehave; they got it from their story books.'

For the majority of parents our knowledge of disciplining children came from our parents, from our experiences and then from new learning and understanding. There are some wonderful parent information programmes available in the community ‘incredible years' and the ‘parenting tool box' are probably two of the better ones.

Here are some more alternative discipline tips following on from last week:

• Don't give lots of attention to behaviour you don't like. Don't ignore it, but be calm, brief and firm when dealing with it.
• Don't bribe children to behave well. They will learn to depend on bribes, not to behave acceptably.
• Don't use threats or shout. Children will be scared and not understand their mistake.
• Don't ridicule children. Criticizing children or withdrawing love can be very damaging and can undermine their confidence.
• Don't discipline children without explaining what they have done wrong and how they could do it differently in the future, but try and do this when you and the child are calm.
• Don't be afraid to negotiate compromise and reconsider. As children get older their skills and understandings change. You need to change your boundaries too.

When your child simply won't listen, try to:

• Kneel or sit so that you at your child's level.
• Hold your child gently by the shoulders or hands while you make the request.
• Look right into your child's eyes,
• Talk in a firm clear calm voice, look serious while you speak and make it clear that you expect to be listened to – as you would listen to them.
• Listen to your child's response and carefully consider his or her views, give children options wherever possible – try negotiation.
• Give ample opportunity for them to complete the task. Praise cooperation or explain the consequences (without resorting to threats) of non cooperation.

Do try these ideas out with your children. It may take some time to change their behaviour and yours, but remember as it took time to learn the old ways, so it will take time to learn the new.

Next week: Early Childhood Taskforce Recommendations