Carol Stovold Quality Kids qualitykidz.co.nz

I often get asked by parents about how to deal with toddler tantrums and disciplining children. The following is my recommended list of easy do's and don'ts:

Do praise; 'you're putting all your toys away, well done!”

Do ask your children what they want you to do during their playtime.

Do join in their games; children crave attention and time, give as much as you can and they love you for it.

Do copy them; have fun games with words, repeating fun words and sounds – early literacy starts this way.

Do smile, cuddle, hug and touch; they can read your body language so much better than we can read theirs.

Do ignore 'naughties” if it is safe to do so; can I ignore him stomping his feet safely? What would happen if I walk away?

Do show you are paying attention to what they are doing, how they appear; 'you are smiling a lot today,” or 'you're putting the dolls into the house.”

Do give warnings; 'Soon we need to leave so you will need to pack that away and get ready” is much better than 'pack that away right now we're leaving”.

Do set appropriate boundaries – and stick to them; there is nothing wrong with rules, just make sure they are fair and easily understood.

Don't give commands; do you like it when someone tells you what to do? 'Can you please put your shoes on now we're going out in the car. Remember if you don't wear your shoes your feet will be cold”. If they don't do it they will soon learn the consequences.

Don't ask questions; too often the questions we ask are yes or no answers or ones we already know the answer to. If you use questions, ask open ended ones, 'I really liked the way you did that, how did you put it together?

Don't teach; by this I mean sitting down and making a toddler copy you or learn by rote. Children love to imitate and learn through their interactions and play – instead let them be involved in what you are doing.

Don't criticise; every time we say something critical to children, 'that was silly, why did you do that?” it makes them feel worthless. Did you know that for every critical remark it takes up to eight positive ones to feel good about yourself again?

Don't say no; always give a reason – no is final, it leaves no room for discussion and understanding. Have you ever been in a situation where someone said no to you without a reason?

Whatever the age of your child, it's important to be consistent in disciplining your child. If you don't stick to the rules and consequences that you set up, your child isn't likely to either. If we treat children the way we expect to be treated they will soon learn to respect you as much as you respect them.