Carol Stovold Quality Kids qualitykidz.co.nz

Follow up rules with logical consequences.

If your child gets into the ball pit at the indoor play centre and immediately starts throwing the balls at other kids – then take them out. Sit down with them and watch the other kids play and explain they can go back in when they feel ready to join the fun without hurting other children.

Avoid trying to ‘reason' with your child, such as asking; 'How would you like it if he threw the ball at you?”

Toddlers don't possess the cognitive maturity to be able to imagine themselves in another child's place or to change their behaviour based on verbal reasoning. But they can understand consequences.

Keep your cool

Yelling, hitting or telling your child they're bad won't get them to curtail their behaviour. You'll just get them more riled up and give them examples of new things to try. In fact, watching you control your temper may be the first step in them learning to control theirs.

Set clear limits

Try to respond immediately whenever your toddler is aggressive. Don't wait until they hit their brother for the third time to say, 'That's enough!”

They should know instantly when they've done something wrong. Remove them from the situation for a brief time out – just a minute or two is enough. This is the best way to let them cool down and after a while they'll connect their behaviour with the consequence and figure out that if they hit or bite they end up out of the action.

Discipline consistently

As much as possible, respond to each episode the way you did last time. Your predictable response – 'Okay, you bit Billy again, that means another time-out” – will set up a pattern that your child will recognise and come to expect.

Eventually, it will sink in that if they misbehave, they'll get a time-out. Even in public, where you may be mortified by your child's behaviour, don't let your embarrassment cause you to lash out at them. Other parents have been there too – if people stare, simply toss off a comment like 'It's hard to have a two-year-old” and then discipline your child in the usual fashion.

Teach alternatives

Wait until your toddler has settled down, then calmly and gently review what happened. Ask them if they can explain what triggered their outburst. Emphasize – briefly – that it's perfectly natural to have angry feelings, but it's not okay to show them by hitting, kicking, or biting. Encourage them to find a more effective way of responding by ‘talking it out' – 'Tommy, you're making me mad!” – or asking an adult to help.

Make sure your child understands they need to say sorry after they lash out at someone. Their apology may be insincere at first, but the lesson will sink in. The passions of toddler-hood can overtake a child's natural compassion sometimes. Eventually they'll acquire the habit of apologising when they've hurt someone.