Debra Jager Home Instead Senior Care

Q: My husband was diagnosed with dementia five years ago. What a journey. His life and mine has changed so much since the diagnosis. However, I think the hardest thing is when friends stop coming. How does one cope with this?

Not so long ago, I wrote an article on exactly this. When someone you have loved and known for years is diagnosed as having dementia or Alzheimer's it can be like being told they have died, both for you and for them.

It is important that you both get the necessary support you need. How friends and family react is unknown, but you can put some mechanisms around this to assist you and your husband.

Be honest. Tell them you need their support. That you need to be treated the same, as does your husband. That you need them to continue to be your friend no matter what. That you might need to cry with them or be taken out for a cuppa. That you might need a meal or two provided when the going gets tough. Most importantly, you need them just to be there for you as you would be for them.

Dr Richard Taylor who has Alzheimer's says 'Do not treat me as I have already died, just because I cannot respond does not mean that I do not understand”.
Tell friends and family you need your husband to be respected for who he is and so do you. Be honest with them and yourself. Even now, five years later, as hard as it is, ask as it helps. And they will love you for your honesty.

I am sure you have been in contact with The Alzheimer's Society, which provides wonderful support for both family members and those with dementia. They will be able to provide all sorts of additional helpful tips and readings for you. If you have not used them, now is the time.

Home Instead Senior Care has just put out a small booklet that has some useful tips as well. I trust this helps. Be honest with friends, family and yourself. You owe it to your husband and yourself.